


My Dearest Freecss

by killunyan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Fluff and Angst, Killugon growing up together timeline, M/M, Minor Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Mito took Gon and Killua in, Pseudo-Incest, Smut, i guess that's what it should be since they're not blood related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killunyan/pseuds/killunyan
Summary: After a while, Gon speaks with his words croaked out. "Why can't I kiss Killua whenever I want to? It's... it's not fair."Killua opens his eyes, looks at Gon and frowns. "Because, Gon-chan, we're—""Don't," Gon immediately cuts him off, too hurt and vulnerable and fragile now at this point to even handle that cruel, stupid word: brothers. Their pseud relation in the eyes of many. That one thing that's keeping them like this—this guarded and forbidden.♡or the one where killua and gon grew up together as foster brothers and thus it's not at all appropriate for them to be more than just that. they became more than just that anyway.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 26
Kudos: 102





	1. INTRODUCTION

**Author's Note:**

> AGAIN: THEY ARE NOT BLOOD-RELATED IN THIS FIC. THEY JUST GREW UP TOGETHER. THIS IS GOING TO BE A TIMELINE FIC WHERE I WILL WRITE UP SOME OF THEIR MOST SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS THROUGHOUT THEIR LIVES, FROM THEIR CHILDHOOD TO THEIR TEENAGE YEARS, UNTIL THEY'RE ADULTS, SO ON AND SO FORTH.
> 
> BY THE WAY, IT WON'T BE IN YEAR ORDER. YOU WILL GET TO SEE THAT THROUGH THE CHAPTERS. YOU WILL NOTICE HOW THEIR AGES WOULD BE DISPLAYED AT THE TOP, AND HOW IT WOULDN'T BE AN ANNUAL SNEAK PEEK TO THEIR EXPERIENCES GROWING UP.
> 
> KILLUA IS TWO YEARS OLDER THAN GON HERE, SO I COULD ADD UP SOME CHAPTERS WHERE IT WOULD SUIT HIS "THE OLDER, THE MORE IN CONTROL" ROLE OVER GON-CHAN. BUT SINCE I HAVE ALWAYS PICTURED THESE TWO TO BE QUITE VERSATILE, I HAVE CREATED SOME TWISTS TO IT TOO, ALBEIT FAINTLY.
> 
> ENOUGH WITH THE DISCLAIMERS. ONTO THE STORY :)

****

**Introduction: The past**

It was a lone winter night when Mito found the Zoldyck child abandoned at her doorstep, crying quietly in a basket, seeming cold and hungry, with nothing but a ragged blanket wrapped around them; she had gasped, shocked to see this, hesitant at first as she crouched down to level with it on the ground. Everything in her mind screamed that she should hurry and return them to their parents, but thought about the obvious that she had no clue as to where they were, or how should she even accomplish that.

She carried the basket inside the house, rather on instinct, unthinking, careful with it, afraid of what might happen if the basket slipped from her grip.

A silver-haired baby, skin the color of snow, cheeks tinge with pink from the harsh winter weather outside. It only took a full second before her heart melted from staring down at the infant. Innocent and fragile. Could it be that this child was born not even a day or so? But why would their mother leave them here like this? In a home in the middle of nowhere.

Mito's heart ached for this child. They didn't deserve this, she thought. No one did.

She then reached out.

And the child stopped crying the moment she stroked their cheek and—their eyes pried open, slowly. Slowly.

Then she was met by pools of grayish ceruleans, nothing she had ever seen before. What was it she felt?

This child... this boy was special, she realized. Very different from the lovely one she'd already taken in a few years back, the one she'd been quite accustomed to. Her little Biscuit.

This one though... this one seemed to be unique. Unique from the other one that she'd gladly taken in. Whatever this child's family name could be, Mito didn't bother to learn anymore, after seeing the child settle down and muster up the faintest of smiles one could ever give.

From there, she swore to her life that no matter what the cost, she would do whatever it took to take good care of him.

*

*

_Two years later..._

_"Mito."_

_"Ging?"_

_"Please, take him. I'm sorry."_

_"You're so selfish, Ging..."_

_"And I am in no position to oppose that."  
_

_"Yeah. You're not."_


	2. GON AND KILLUA: AT 13 AND 15

****

**Gon [13]:** _The art of being confident in any way_  
 **Killua [15]:** _Hard as a stone_

Rummaging through his closet that is, at the moment, full of nothing but blacks and maroons colored clothing, Killua looks for his shirt that has the album cover of one of his favorite bands at the front of it—stark contrast right on the center. Mito's gift for him Christmases ago.

Once spotted, he smoothly wears it over his head, whipping around to play something on his cellphone, one of which that _Spectrum-X_ —that foreign Gothic sort of band that screams underground genre—has for him to offer.

 _Dead Burger King_. That is the name of the song. Pretty scary for a title? Maybe. But nothing's scary to Killua. Not if he's a rebellious kid at the moment, no.

As soon as the song starts playing, making the entire room that he and his younger brother, Gon, have been sharing for all these years instantly filled up with all but screaming of that one Goth singer, Nullifer, Killua starts to headbang as he's too lured to the beat to care. Too mesmerized by the growls the singer belts, too lost in its heavy basses.

He begins rocking his body back and forth, mouthing some of the screeched words, proceeding on to wearing some of his black skinny jeans and slipping on his black kicks.

While Killua does just that, from inside the bathroom meanwhile, Gon is taking quite long with showering. He's too posh and too delicate to finish quickly. Quite the neat freak kind even in his early age of pre-pubescent, thirteen, wanting all but to maintain his brisk thoroughly cleaned self.

And just to put it less vaguely, the Freecss brothers are both basically getting ready for another day in school. Killua only hates it a bit. A bit _lot_.

Anyway, Gon is like... this Nature Flower Child (as they call it) kind of boy. That when he steps out of the shower, he doesn't care that he's practically naked from head to toe (Killua can literally see his privates!), not wearing any towel, naturally spiked up hair dripping wet, all down, creating mini ponds across the room.

He's a little bit too much confident with his sunkissed skin-toned body as is, as well as with how he dresses quite flamboyantly, throwing off some lavender button-up shirt and white skinnies.

And see, the thing is, Killua doesn't mind. And Gon doesn't either. Gon doesn't mind that his older brother is 'Punk' and he's not, and that he's a complete opposite of him, they both are to each other, in fact.

So there's that. Killua and Gon are the total opposites of each other. But do they care? Or do they even get along?

The answers are both yes and no. They don't care, but care at the same time, and that yes, they get along. They get along just...fine.

Or maybe more than fine, to be precise. Whatever. (Killua doesn't look away even when Gon's noticed his older brother is openly checking him out. They're a bit used to it by now.)

Down at the kitchen a far bit later on, Mito makes them some breakfast, ham and toast, and Gon gratefully eats his, sitting on one of the chairs cheerily, thanking his adoptive mother.

Killua on the other hand, however, says he'll just eat his on the bus on their way to the school, reasoning out he's not hungry anyway and that they'll just take long, like he wouldn't risk being late. Mito sure is cross about this, of course she is, but it's Killua—Mito knows better not to argue. All she does now is pack him his breakfast and give it to him right after.

Killua takes it, turning around with his free hand in his pocket, and leaving the kitchen for the living room. Sitting on the couch, Killua flicks the TV on and idly stares at it. He isn't watching—just staring. Because he's actually waiting for his baby brother to finish.

Finally emerging from the kitchen, Gon immediately flashes Killua his cheeky dimpled grin, meaning he's ready to go and that he's eaten well. And Killua gets that, so he stands up and shuts the TV off, yawning his way over to their front door. Mito soon follows them as she tangles her bathrobe securely around her waist, motioning for both boys to get ready to leave.

It's Gon who first kisses her sloppily on her cheek, leaving a bit of saliva in his wake but making her smile all the same. "Bye, Mito-san," Gon beams, voice usually chirpy, overly excited for school, probably. The usual.

After Gon, Mito turns to Killua, raising an eyebrow at him. Rolling his eyes, pretty much defiant on breaking his 'rebellious punk child' image by kissing his foster mom as well, Killua opts for just going along with it, knowing Mito won't have any of his protests. Killua tiptoes and kisses his Mito too, just quicker this time unlike with Gon, who's happy with giving people kisses and hugs and big smiles.

"Alrighty then," Mito chirps, clapping her hands. "Off you go, boys." Mito ushers her sons to go outside the household, bidding them goodbyes and wishing them both good luck for yet another day in school, which also means away from her.

The two leave the house and the front yard, turning to their right.

Along the pavement, Gon walks on the safer side while Killua insists he takes the dangerous side. Gon worries, but doesn't say it out loud. It's just a small walk to the bus stop anyway, and besides, there's supposed to be no argument, Killua's always right.

By the time they reach the bench where they always go in the mornings, kids from other schools have gone and so it's just the two of them. Killua sits on it, puts his leg over one thigh, and pulls out some pack of cigarettes. Gon sees this, is startled by it. And Killua can feel it too—such loud-thinking Gon is doing right now, the boy way too obvious that he has something to say. Gon still won't talk though. He can't. He's just standing there, gripping the handles of his backpack.

Lighting one stick of cigarette that is tucked in between his lips, Killua takes a drag, inhales, and then blows afterwards, letting out some gray smoke. It goes on like that for a while; Killua smoking, Gon keeping quiet, just the two of them waiting for their ride.

Taking probably his fourth to the last drag, Killua suddenly hears Gon coughing violently beside him, making him stand up instantly and rub on his baby brother's back, stretching his left hand away from Gon—the one where he's holding his killer stick. Back being rubbed, Gon leans against his older brother's touch almost immediately as though he's a cat craving for attention. And Killua likes that about Gon, he does, but he needs to stop enjoying the notion to focus on making him feel better firsthand.

"You okay, Gon?" Killua asks, rubbing small circles on Gon's back.

Gon stops coughing, nodding his head. "Yeah, just...my throat just got a bit itchy. I sniffed some of Killua's, uh, smoke. But I'm fine now, don't worry!"

"Ah, shit," Killua curses. Killua swears now too, apparently, but Gon on the other hand, doesn't. He simply refuses. Even when he becomes a right adult, he's once told himself. Shaking his head as though he's just done something stupid, Killua flicks away his cigarette and turns to his baby brother. "Sorry, Gon. I didn't realize. I— I forgot you're asthmatic. Fuck-"

"Sshh," Gon says quickly to hush him, placing a hand on his older brother's shoulder. "Hey, Killua, it's okay—I'm fine, see? No one's dying." He chuckles, pulling the sarcasm card. Killua only looks at him, serious about all this. Gon quits his cackling because of that. "A-anyway," Gon starts to say, suddenly feeling awkward now that Killua's staring at him intensely, "Does...does Mito-san know?"

Killua sighs and takes a step back, looking back ahead to see if their bus is to arrive. "Nah," Killua answers after a long while.

"Oh," Gon replies, blinking, quiet beside Killua.

"Yeah," Killua murmurs, ashamed. He can almost feel himself flushing. "Why? You... gonna tell her?"

Gon looks at him hastily at this, lips parted in shock. "What? No. No, Killua."

Killua hums, nodding just once and still refusing to look at Gon even when Gon's attention is all focused on him. "Okay," he mumbles, "good."

Just as Gon's about to respond back to him again, he is cut off mid-thought as their school bus arrives with a loud honk, stopping in front of the two of them by the bench. Killua nudges Gon's elbow with his, nodding towards the bus, indicating 'ladies first'. Gon purses his lips, but he already knows that so he wordlessly obeys to his older brother's order, climbing up the bus, and then leads the way to their usual seats at the back.

Once they've settled inside, the bus starts to move again. And the rest that are their schoolmates who are bantering around them—some waving at Killua and some smiling at Gon, The Famous Freecss Brothers—those that are also seated on each their designated seat, are all completely tuned out by them now, their attention stuck to their own little worlds. Like always.

Passing shops, houses, crossing roads and bridges after a while, after not being able to keep his thoughts to himself any longer, Gon once and for all lets it out, settling for a mild suggestiveness. He doesn't want Killua to feel bad after all. "Don't let her catch you, Killua," he's saying, voice completely soft, gaze darted to the back of the seat in front of them on the bus. Killua looks at the same thing Gon's looking at with that, all his attention directed to his older brother now. Gon continues on, "Because I don't want Killua to get in trouble."

Finally facing him, Killua looks at Gon's cheek at the moment—it looks so soft and warm, it's even pink because of the heat, probably—making him think of actually touching it. _Just to feel_ , Killua thinks, _just to know it's real, just to feel him, his sweet young brother._

Gon; his baby brother, his thirteen year-young brother, whose heart as precious as gold, whose face more beautiful than the most beautiful person alive, whose personality more interesting and lovelier than the best person in the world known, whose flower child Killua most certainly loves kissing, loves hugging, cuddling, touching—whose person Killua won't, ever, allow losing.

And so Killua finally responds, voice soft and warm now, fond, unlike earlier when there's Mito-san and he and Gon weren't alone. "Of course, Gon-chan." _Gon-chan._ It's what Killua decided calling Gon ever since he knew about what he wants, about his sexual orientation, even at such a young age. Probably because Gon is smart—he's intelligent—therefore he knows already what he is, what he likes. "Don't... don't worry about it. Mito-san won't have to catch me and know I am smoking."

Mustering up a very bright and warm smile, Gon finally turns his face to look at his older brother straight in the eyes. They're so blue and beautiful, Gon thinks, he loves them very much.

"That's my Killua," he says around a teasing grin, instead of just a regular smile, voice hushed. "I love you."

Killua blushes hot pink, looking away and out the window next to him. "G-Gon," he admonishes, panic surging up his neck, "s-stop that. Not here. You can't just—"

Gon cuts him off and tips his chin up, forcing him to look his way. "Where's the _'chan'_ , Killua? Call me with that. Please?" He puckers his lips as he pouts, making his lower lip jut out in emphasis. He flutters his eyelashes for good measure.

Killua blushes even more now, face to face with Gon like this, seeing his annoyingly adorable face. Killua hates him loads. "Fine," he says, sighing, "Gon-chan." Gon starts to beam again and, god how Killua loves seeing that. Those dimples, those pink cheeks, those cute lips, those mesmerizing hazel eyes. "Gon-chan," Killua says again, "Gon-chan, Gon-chan, Gon-chan. There. Happy now?" He raises an eyebrow at his baby brother.

Gon shakes his head, however. He's back on pouting again. Killua gets confused. Where is he lacking at? "You forgot the most important one that I want to hear, Killua..."

And then it hits him. Killua rolls his eyes but he is smiling and fuck, his fond is damn showing. _Flooding_. Killua's so gone and all over the place for his _foster_ baby brother.

"I love you," Killua says then. He finally says it, and it makes Gon extra bright. Brighter than the sun itself. "You're brighter than the sun, do you know that?" Killua blurts, shaking his head at himself the last minute.

"Am I though?" Gon teases, blushing so much and happily... is quite a bit in love. Killua only nods, tongue-tied. "Well, in that case," Gon starts to say, leaning in, "I'm gonna have to reward Killua."

"Reward me what?" Killua puzzles. Oh, this doesn't sound good. This screams trouble.

Leaning in some more, Gon doesn't hesitate as he crashes his lips against an unknowing and defenseless Killua, sticking out his tongue first like a daft so he can right away taste his older brother's soft lips. (Gon's not a very good kisser—yet—see. So perhaps he only kisses to taste or to savor, vise versa) (weird, huh) (he doesn't know its significance, only that he thinks that's what couples do).

Killua's eyes widen—they widen so much he's afraid people might mistake him of drug usage at this rate—as Gon presses their lips much firmer, him being pressed against the fiberglass window behind him, and Gon leaning against him even more.

Killua pulls away quickly, just right after he's recovered from being overwhelmed and aghast. Gon's being reckless.

"Gon— I— I mean, Gon-chan," Killua sputters, face flushed red. "What was that for? You can't just— fuck, you can't just do that."

Gon frowns, crosses his arms over his chest and turns to face ahead. He's being stubborn and immature and demanding again. Killua sighs, closes his eyes. He rubs at his temples as he stresses over this. _He knew this would happen!_ Whenever they get to a point where they behave sweet and affectionate towards one another, they end up being like this. Hot and excited. Exhilarated. Bold and naïve.

Silence falls before them, the only source of noise being their background, their surroundings, their schoolmates in the bus.

After a while, Gon speaks with his words croaked out, catching Killua off-guard, "Why can't I kiss Killua whenever I want to? It's... it's not fair."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Killua is quick to open his eyes, looks at Gon and frowns. "Because, Gon-chan, we're—"

" _Don't_ ," Gon immediately cuts him off, too hurt and vulnerable and fragile now at this point to even handle that cruel, stupid word: brothers. Their pseud relation in the eyes of many. That one thing that's keeping them like this—this guarded and forbidden. Hiding and miserable. None of them predicted something more would result in them in just a mere few years growing up together, doing everything together, being overprotective and over-caring towards the other. Then again, they are practically inseparable, from daylight to sundown. It's not rocket science. The probabilities of this ever occurring has a hundred percent chance.

Shutting his mouth, Killua lowers his gaze and searches for Gon's hand. Once found, Killua takes it and lets their fingers interlock. Gon doesn't utter a word regarding it, despite him being naturally fond of holding hands, cuddling, kissing and such. He only squeezes their hands together, and then that's that.

And maybe, that's good enough for Killua. Just that—just Gon acknowledging his effort of compromising with him.

After a beat, it's Killua's turn to speak, will try to reassure his most important person. "Don't worry, Gon-chan. When we get home, when we get into our room, I'll probably let you kiss me all you want. Anytime, Gon, anytime."

Smiling, Gon hums in glee, the sad reality that had hit him like a truck just now completely forgotten, just hearing those words told by Killua himself.

In a little bit, they're finally being dropped off to school.

Gon can't wait to get to class, home, their room, and then kiss Killua again. Again, again, and again.


	3. GON AND KILLUA: AT 2 AND 4

****

**Gon [2]:** _Oblivious yet aware_  
 **Killua [4]:** _Possessing without knowing_

Killua, Biscuit, Mito and Gon are currently at the park.

It's a tropical weather that they're having today. The sun amidst the white washed clouds, birds flying lower than usual, trees swaying with just the right amount of force—not really that being pushed by the nonexistent strong wind.

Everything that's present here are all treated fine and well—normal. People everywhere are just being people; it's just a nice typical Tuesday.

There really is no special about today, is there? Or well, except for the Freecss family being together. Just that. Or maybe we should erase the word just, because it's way more than just that. And if Mito's bright smile has any given indication to how wonderful and how one of a kind this certain day is, then there really is that.

While Mito takes care of Gon, the cute little baby wriggling and squirming in her arms, Biscuit and Killua on the other hand are both by the playground, playing, skipping, laughing and running wild. Mito keeps close in contact with them—close enough to her kids, watching them play safely and soundly.

Killua is at the sandbox at this very moment, building blocks of sand using a red pale, chatting with some lively kid, one that is probably younger than him what with he's still taller even if he's crouching.

Zushi. That's the kid's name. Enthusiastic, sunkissed, red-cheeked despite the lack of warmth, crooked teeth and contagious laugh. Killua has just met him a while ago, and now they're like buddies who've been buddies for years.

"Zushi, hand me the shovel," Killua commands with his lulling youthful voice, pointing at the bright yellow shovel plaything on the other side of the sandbox.

Zushi nods, going towards the edge of the sandbox and picking up said bright yellow shovel, going back to Killua right after and giving it to him. Killua takes it, nodding his thanks, and then returning back to what he's busied himself doing, as though he's some kind of a busy surgeon, Zushi being his assistant. Which, makes sense if he's honest, because it's Killua's dream to become a pediatrician someday.

As Killua works on the sandcastle he's trying so hard to build, in which he actually isn't good at seeing it's a mess he's been doing, Zushi suddenly speaks, catching Killua's attention quite a bit. "Is that your mom right there?"

Killua looks up for a brief moment, glancing at Mito by the bench. "Yeah," he says quietly. Killua knows he really isn't a biological son of Mito—Mito's told him that already, didn't want him to get all interrogating once he's grown up and feel bad if he later on finds out the truth—but he isn't telling his new friend that. Killua is pretty reserved about such stuff.

Nodding, Zushi says, "She seems nice."

"She is."

"Well, mine is over there." Zushi points to the other bench where a woman and some boy are sitting, eating some hotdogs on sticks. Killua nods, mumbling _cool_.

After a while, and after Killua has managed to actually maintain a two-storey sandcastle, Zushi asks him again, and this time, it really gets his full attention. "How about the baby she's carrying? She your sister?"

Looking back at Mito, and then his baby brother in her arms, Killua tells Zushi while he sweeps his damped fringe on the side, "No."

"No?" Zushi quizzes, "then who..."

"He's my baby brother," Killua simply says, gaze focused on Gon's cute and cuddly features. Returning his attention to Zushi in front of him, he adds, "So he's not my sister. He's my brother."

"Oh."

Killua sniffles, rubbing his fingers under his nose and wiping off some sweats that are building up across his snout, sure enough leaving some dirt on it afterwards. "What's made you even think that he's a girl?" he mumbles, quite amused.

Zushi shrugs at that—he simply shrugs—crouching down in front of their sandcastle. "I just thought he was. I've mistaken him for a girl, I guess."

Something weird that is curling from the depths of Killua's tummy suddenly erupts. He doesn't know what it is, doesn't know why it's surfaced either, but Killua knows for sure he doesn't like what he's heard coming out of this Zushi kid. And now he's suddenly being defensive about all this—about Gon. "Are you saying that you think my baby brother is pretty?" he asks, voice clear and sharp.

Zushi looks up to stare at him with that, mouth slightly agape, eyes wide. "I... I... no?" He asks it more than he states it, making Killua even angrier. "I mean, yeah. I mean, he's pretty. E-even from afar?" Zushi's stammering now. And maybe—maybe Killua needs to calm down.

Huffing in annoyance, Killua's eyebrows knot together as he shifts from where he's crouched down, looking at their sandcastle instead of looking at Zushi. "He is pretty, of course," he agrees, sounding snippy and biased, annoyed... possessive. Looking at Gon again who's reaching Mito's face with his chubby little hands, Killua adds, voice screaming territorial, "But he's mine."

Zushi doesn't reply to that anymore, probably too scared now to talk. Why is his new friend Killua being like this? Zushi's only stated a fact, right? It's not like he's trying to steal Killua's brother from him... He's just being a kid. A friendly and talkative kid.

And anyway, Zushi is only three. He can even barely run, lest steal a baby. Jeez.

Opting for topic change, Killua asks Zushi about other stuff instead. Stuff that doesn't include his baby brother, Gon. He asks Zushi if he's in the daycare too like him—about how old is he now, what is his favorite cartoon show, favorite snack, favorite fruit—and just about all of his favorites. Killua returns the favor of saying his too, and they are back on playing again, this time a pirate pretend kind of game.

Minutely so, when Killua's truly and epic-ly filthy with sand now, Biscuit arrives at the sandbox and calls out on her brother. Killua and Zushi look over, dropping what they're doing to regard Biscuit.

"Yeah?" Killua asks.

"Mom said to get you. We're going home," she says curtly, nodding at Mito's direction. Killua looks ahead, seeing Mito standing up from the bench and tucking Gon in his pram.

Killua nods, stands up and dusts his pants. Biscuit makes a face with that, nose scrunched up, disgusted with how much sand Killua has gathered. Killua doesn't care though—he's had fun.

"So, I guess I'll see you around?" Zushi says behind him all the sudden, making him whip around. He's forgotten about the boy.

"Oh," Killua says, eyebrows high under his fringe. "Yes, yes," he belatedly says, "sure. We only live a few blocks away from here."

Zushi nods, beaming. "Cool."

Clearing her throat, Biscuit taps her foot impatiently. "Ready to go, Kil?"

Killua nods, "'Kay, old hag."

"Don't call me that!" _Haha_.

Retreating back to their mother and leaving Zushi, Killua's first instinct is to bop his baby brother's nose with his, only wanting to make the baby giggle. So Killua does—or attempts rather, because Mito wouldn't let him.

Killua frowns, feeling a pang on his chest almost instantly, being pushed away from his Gon. "I just want to bop our noses, mama," Killua tells Mito, eyebrows creased and lips puckering.

Mito shakes her head, defiant but also gentle at her foster son at least. "Oh, but, Kil," she says softly, "you're dirty, honey. You shouldn't come near Gon if you're dirty—because he'll get dirty too, then there will be the two of you."

Killua scoffs, crossing his arms against his chest. Mito sighs, shoving a bottle of milk in Gon's mouth. Biscuit snickers at the commotion, the cheeky devil she is.

"Let's go home then," Killua says, "so I can wash up and finally touch baby Gon."

"Good idea," Mito concedes.

The minute they get back home, as well as the minute Mito's pushed the door open, Killua practically charges in between Mito and the door's slight crack, dashes his way to the bathroom and strips. Mito can't help smile at that—her fond for Killua's eagerness for his baby brother showing—looking at young Biscuit next to her and beckoning for her to guide her younger brother to wash up. Biscuit rolls her eyes at this, finds it tiring and ridiculous, but obeys her foster mother anyway.

Inside the bathroom, Biscuit finds her brother already under the spray and soaked, snow hair damped. Some of the dirt on his body are gone now, but there are yet some along his neck and throat, so Biscuit strides in and helps Killua wash up.

As they do just that, Biscuit suddenly asks, "Who's that kid then?"

"Haa?" Killua glances up at her, some soap lingering on his left eye, making him squint.

"That kid on the playground, I mean. Is he a friend? Classmate?"

"Oh," Killua finally remembers, "That's Zushi. He's not my classmate at daycare. Just a boy I met there on the sandbox."

Biscuit nods, rubbing some soap on Killua's back. "Ah, I see," she murmurs.

Looking down on his toes, Killua grins. "Why? You like him?" he teases.

Biscuit smacks him across the nape, but it's not that hard. Killua cackles. "I do not," Biscuit protests.

"Why? You like that four-eyed Hisoka nerd boy from school instead?" Killua teases some more.

Don't get Killua wrong, he hates it that Biscuit is being linked to some kids, at school and at the playground. Though the thing here is, this is Killua and Biscuit—they bicker and tease each other always, and it's just a very normal thing for them. Typical brother-sister relationship.

And to be honest, Killua cares for Gon more than Biscuit betwixt his siblings. He doesn't say that out loud, but they all must know by now. So maybe sometimes that's the main reason he could care less about Biscuit being partnered with anyone, even with her handsome teacher in her Elementary school, and yet gets furious at Zushi for only thinking that Gon is pretty from earlier on.

"Maybe," Biscuit says after a while, raising one of her eyebrows and turning on the spray again to have Killua thoroughly cleansed out. "Maybe not."

"Whatever," Killua only says in response.

After Killua's taken a bath, Biscuit prepares him some clean clothes to wear. His favorite Digimon shirt and powder blue pajama bottoms. Killua quickly wears them, ruffles his damp snow white hair, comb be damned, and then rushes out and into the kitchen.

Gon is seated in a highchair when Killua sees him as he trudges in, Mito serving him some milk and cookies on the tray in front of him, Gon letting go of suckling his thumb and taking one baked cookie to munch on. Killua joins them, sitting across his baby brother. Mito also serves him some milk and cookies.

"Gon-chan," Killua coos to his baby brother, taking a bite on a cookie in his hand and making a funny face. "How cute are you, baby Gon?"

Gon wriggles and pounds from where he's trapped in the highchair, smiling big at Killua across from him, cute dimples denting his reddened cheeks. Gon starts giggling, being the bundle of joy that he naturally is.

"He really likes you, doesn't he?" Mito muses beside them, shaking her head in awe.

Killua smiles proudly, as if to say _who doesn't like Killua_ , biting on his second cookie.

After a while, Gon starts crying. Mito goes over to carry him, but he doesn't stop. Killua slides down on the chair and rushes over to them.

He offers Gon a cookie. Gon stops crying in an instant at that, taking the offered cookie. Mito watches her sons have their very own way of communicating, without actually talking to each other verbally, since Gon doesn't know how to speak yet, but just smiling and staring straightly into each other's eyes.

She finds it lovely and odd at the same time, but she doesn't comment on it in her head. Maybe her adopted sons really are just that meant to be close to each other—to beat the odds together when they grow up—and to become the dream team, as they would so call it.

Mito doesn't even worry if they somehow end up being more than those kinds of 'meant to be' things. Maybe because normally, fate does everything for her—for them—nowadays. It's been a bit predictable.

Maybe.

"You say, _thank-you_ ," Killua coos at Gon again, nodding his head, bright and twinkling gaze focused entirely on Gon's face. Killua's making him talk.

Gon only giggles though, can't really talk yet, reaching on to grab for Killua's face.

Mito's heart melts against her chest just quite a bit more, having witnessed that. Having been a part to witness all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what u think :)  
> thank u for having the time to read!


	4. GON AND KILLUA: AT 7 AND 8

****

**Gon [7]:** _Enthusiastic, birthday boy_  
 **Killua [8]:** _Forgetful, swearing boy_

Gon's just turned seven many hours ago, while everyone's asleep yet including him, and Killua may or may not have forgotten about it.

(Well, he's doomed if he's forgotten that's for sure. Like, totally doomed).

Killua wakes up from someone jumping wildly on his bed. It jiggles, the bed, the mattress he's been lying on making him open his eyes slowly and jerk awake. He groans, rubbing at his eyes, letting out a yawn minutes later. And then there is someone who's practically yelling in his ear, basically annoying him with these,

"Today's the day, Kil-lu-a!"

It's his brother, Gon. Who else?

He's shaking Killua awake, continuously yelling just those three certain words over and over again, while he jumps on Killua's bed, throwing off some pillows to his legs. Killua oddly shoots up from bed with that, fuming mad. His teeth are gritting in rage. Uh-oh.

"What the?" he snaps, alert yet confused. Violated. And then his piercing blue eyes instantly fixate on Gon's beaming features right in front of him just like that, the honey brown-eyed giddy boy standing on the foot of his bed, is secondly so far away from him—from his ear—all the sudden. The little boy slowly shuts down from being so bright just now. "Gon?" Killua mutters darkly. "What the hell are you...doing?" He swore. Killua swore! And his voice grows louder, "What's—what's going on here?! Why did you wake me the damn hell up?!" He growls. Oh...

Gon cringes at the tone of Killua's voice, not so giddy anymore, right eye twitching, clarification of fear showing from how he's cowering from Killua. "I'm... I'm truly sorry, Killua, but I just— I woke you up, because it's my—"

"Shut up, baka!" Killua shouts at him, cutting him off, "Get out! What the hell do you think you're doing? I'm still so tired and sleepy and dreaming, you stupid—," Killua doesn't complete his outrageous word vomit, just sighs exasperatedly to end it. "Just—just get out!" He adds anyway, very pissed at Gon.

Gon just can't do that to Killua though, can he? He can't just wake him up because he thinks it's necessary and funny.

Killua may be allowing anything, like absolutely anything Gon does, but not today. Today, Killua is _tired_. He is tired and he wants to sleep for a bit much longer. Gon doesn't always have to have the upper-hand, you know? Just because Killua spoils him, lets him do whatever he wishes, doesn't mean Killua shouldn't scold him for being an annoying brother in the earliest of the morning, for once—for fucking once.

Just because Killua loves him, it doesn't mean that he can wake Killua up and take advantage of the flooding adoration Killua has for him, do something uncalled for and be forgiven just like that.

Gon deserves some beating up too—some scolding—some heart-shattering yelling from Killua, his more mature brother. His smarter brother, for Christ's sake. The usually more calm and collected Killua.

And just to put it simply, Gon and Killua sometimes need to act real brothers to each other too—behave like a real one, not—not anything more than that! Even just for once, even just for a day. Today.

Anyway, Killua has succeeded.

He's succeeded on making Gon feel really bad, resented. Unloved.

Poor little Gon starts tearing up.

He sniffs as he rubs furiously on his eyes, as though that would work upon making his tears stop from rushing down. Killua groans again, and this time it's not because he's still angry at Gon. But at himself. For making Gon cry.

"Oh, come on, Gon," Killua sighs, kneeling and crawling towards Gon. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so sleepy, and you woke me, and I'm like, dreaming about something interesting, and just—," Killua pauses, sighs. "Look, Gon, I'm sorry—" He tries reaching out to touch Gon, but that doesn't happen, because the next thing he knows is Gon's jumping off his bed and is backing away towards the door—the exit—ready to run away from him. From Killua. The one Gon loves so much; the one he looks up to so much. The one he feels so proud about.

Killua, the one who Gon deems is so important to him, that he's the one Gon has wanted to see first thing when he's opened his eyes on this special day—his birthday. The brother who's hurt him in return anyway. Sadly.

Sniffing and not really being able to either wipe away or stop his tears from rushing out his sad, plain brown eyes, Gon tells Killua instead, the boy still by the bed, "You forgot."

And that's all it took for Killua to finally remember that, yeah, right, dang it, it's Gon's birthday today. Of course, how could he forget about that one? Jesus Christ, what a bummer. How dare Killua forget about his Gon's birthday? Of all days! How even? How did that one particular day slip his mind? Like, he's been thinking about that for almost two months now—been contemplating on what should he get Gon for his birthday. Ugh!

No, no, no.

"G-Gon," Killua breathes out, stutters out, guilt coursing through his entire soul...probably. "I'm so, so sorry."

Gon juts out his snout, pouting and sniffing just once, pained facial expression fully prominent. And then he is gone, just as Killua's about to walk towards him.

Killua stares blankly on the empty entryway of their room. The Gon that was once there, has completely gone off—to sulk or cry some more or perhaps be sad—somewhere.

Somewhere where Killua isn't.

Well, great. Just great.

💚💙

Wasn't able to fall back to sleep again because of being haunted by guilt and conscience for making Gon cry earlier, Killua finds himself sitting on one of the chairs (one that is across from Gon himself too) around the table in the kitchen after some time.

The Freecss are having breakfast. And Killua can't seem to eat, feeling quite awkward having to see Gon looking out of it right in front of him, frowning and not on his usually enthusiastic persona like earlier. Well, Killua can like, just actually bury himself alive now. He hates it—absolutely hates it—that he can't bring himself to apologize to Gon right now, right this instant. Right in front of the others (i.e. Biscuit and their mama), what with they're all oblivious to what's happened to him and Gon just now.

It's pretty confidential, him and Gon. Their bond, their friendship, their odd 'relationship'. So Killua keeps quiet, end of.

"So," Mito suddenly says, tapping the table, making Killua jump. "How about we sing our little Gon a Happy Birthday, hmm? The silence is bad for our health after all."

Biscuit grins, is very onboard with it. Killua on the other hand, however, is gazing at his little brother awkwardly. Gon just sighs at him. At all of this.

"Happy birthday, Gon-chan," Mito starts to sing, "Happy birthday, Gon-chan," Biscuit follows, "Happy birthday, dear, Gon-chan," Killua does too, mumbling out his words mostly, "Happy.... birth...day.... Gon-chan."

Mito claps her hands, so does Biscuit, cheering Gon on. "Okay, that was...great!" Mito chirps. "Now, eat up, young boys and young lady, I'm just going to drop by to town for some feast for later, okay? Also the birthday cake! So behave." Turning to Gon, Mito asks, "Honey, do you want some freshly plucked apples for your birthday?"

Apples are Gon's favorite at the moment.

He only shrugs though. He's seriously lacking of enthusiasm. "Sure," he mutters out. Mito beams, oblivious to everything her sons are currently undergoing... Or maybe she just doesn't want to acknowledge it, wants for this day to be perfect and happy, instead of letting any negativity entering through. Whichever.

"Alrighty then," Mito chirps. She rounds the table, taking her half-finished plate of salsa, setting it down on the sink. "I'm off. Call me if anything happens while I'm gone. Bisky, you're in charge of your brothers. Make sure everything's okay, okay?"

Biscuit nods, smirking. "Ya heard that, boys?" she boasts. Her brothers don't seem to care, however. She rolls her eyes at them.

As soon as Mito leaves, Gon stands up with his gaze all blank and lowered, accidentally making his chair screech from underneath as he does so. "I'm not hungry," he murmurs to the floor, slowly and blatantly leaving the kitchen. Killua's gaze follows Gon's back with that, biting his lip and never ceasing the saddening picture.

And that's even until Gon's turned a corner to go up to their room, slowly but surely leaving his peripheries and all.

That is Killua's cue to leave the kitchen too, ignoring Biscuit's calls of 'at least put your plates on the sink, you goofs!' because he just knows Gon needs him.

Killua skips two steps by two up their staircase, dashing his way along the hallway, and stopping briefly in front of his and Gon's room. He opens it gently, looking ahead. And as soon as he's strode in, Gon is immediately saying, "Go away, Killua. I hate you."

Frowning, Killua sighs as he goes toward Gon, who's sitting on the floor, wide palms flat on his face. "G-Gon... I said I was sorry. Look, I-," Killua stops himself before it can actually slip from him. That word.

"Look, you, what?" Gon, however, presses the unfinished sentence. "Look, 'you forgot about my birthday'? Is that it, Killua?" Gon scoffs, gathering and hugging his knees with his arms. "I thought you'd never forget, but you did, Killua," he says, "I never forget yours, but you did mine. Killua... Killua even almost...almost called me a stupid something."

Killua's heart aches. He can't take this. "I'm sorry, Gon. I really am. Please. Please, I was... I was just tired, okay?"

Gon looks up, meeting Killua's gaze. "Killua yelled at me," he simply says. "Killua _yelled_ at me and it _hurt_." Gon starts to tear up again, voice croaking when he proceeds, "It hurt so much, Killua."

Weakening on the knees, Killua involuntarily sinks down on the ground, leveling with Gon. He tries to reach out, but Gon visibly flinches so he retrieves his hand back instead, afraid he might scar Gon some more. "Forgive me, Gon... please. I'm sorry. Happy birthday, Gon... I'm sorry. I love you."

Gon shakes his head, tears rolling down his red cheeks. "Leave me alone," he croaks. "Just leave me alone, Kil."

 _Kil_. Now, now... Gon doesn't usually call him that. Not when he's not serious about something or upset or mad. Jeez. Killua thinks he might cry.

"Gon, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?" And.... there. Killua starts to cry too, croaking his words out. "I didn't— I didn't mean it, I swear." Gon looks at him, wiping on his own tears. Killua doesn't stop, continuous on with profusely apologizing to Gon. "I'm sorry if I yelled at you. I'm sorry I was sleepy and snippy. I'm sorry I was tired, because stupid, stupid me stayed up all night last night. I— I'm sorry I forgot about y-your birthday... Just— I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, Gon. _Please_."

Killua is full on sobbing at this point, hiccuping violently, having some trouble breathing. Gon swallows hard with this, all new batch of tears once again presenting from his eyes. And then he's suddenly reaching out to touch Killua... only that he doesn't though. Touch Killua, that is. Because Gon actually hugs him, wrapping both his arms around Killua's entire shaking body.

"Oh," Gon breathes out, sniffing, eyes wide. "Oh," he repeats. "My Killua.... _my Killua_."

Killua clings to him, burying his face at the crook of Gon's neck. "'M sorry, Gon..." he yet again manages to croak out, words muffled. "'M really sorry."

Gon starts stroking Killua's hair. He's frowning, letting his fat tears roll down his red cheeks. Now they're both a sobbing mess. "Stop crying now, Killu-ni," Gon weakly says, "I'm sorry too... I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."

Killua rubs his face against Gon's warm skin. "Don't apologize, Gon. 'S not your fault. It was me who yelled at you. On your special day, of all days. I deserve to be punished like this..."

Gon tightens his arms around his big brother, shaking his head. "No," he says, "Don't say that, Killua. Stop it... stop saying that."

Killua only sobs harder, hiccups coming in a faster stride. Gon starts to worry then. Killua is like, the bravest boy Gon knows; one who doesn't cry, one who defends him all the time if anyone tries to hurt him. And now he's someone who's crying so much like this. Gon should take pride in this—or perhaps be immensely ashamed of himself—for making such a brave boy like Killua Freecss break like this. For him. Because of him.

Killua is so serious about him it's questionable. Killua is so attached to him it's uncanny.

And you know what, Gon is too. In fact, he's more attached to Killua than Killua is to him. And that's why they're currently like this anyway. So vulnerable for one another. Probably because they're in too deep for each other—as best friends, as foster brothers—as more than what they think they are.

But then again, they're only kids, they aren't aware of it—of how they truly feel—so they don't think about such thing just yet. Not as normally at least.

Parting from hugging, Killua and Gon look at each other for a long time, the two of them donning puffy red eyes, their lips also red and swollen, their cutie little noses in painful shades of reds.

They're both such pain in the arses for one another is what they are. And that, at least, they know.

"Happy birthday, Gon-chan," Killua says after a while, caressing Gon's cheek and thumbing away his tears. "I love you... mama loves you. Bisky loves you."

Suppressing a small and sad smile, Gon cups Killua's face and bops their noses together. "I love you too, Killua. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"I'm sorry I was a complete shit to you this morning. This could've been a perfect birthday for you-"

"Nah," Gon cuts him off, smiling genuinely now and closing his eyes. His dimples are showing. "Still a perfect birthday," he mumbles, pressing his and Killua's foreheads together, "because I just made someone like you cry. It only means I affect you just as much as you do me. And that's the best gift so far."

Killua blushes. Why is he blushing? This is Gon, his baby brother.

After a beat though, he still blurts out, wasn't thinking coherently, but just following what his heart has been truly telling him, "You always do though, Gon. I... I think, you're my everything."

Gon hums appreciatively, is so, so happy.

"Happy birthday to me then."

"Yeah. Happy birthday to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter is like that, gon being 7 and killua 8, because killua's birthday is two months later than gon's, and we all know that :D


	5. GON AND KILLUA: AT 12 AND 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more of this.
> 
> if u wanna talk, my ig is killunyan :)

****

**Gon [12]:** _Knowing what they want at such a young age_  
 **Killua [14]:** _Finding clarity in the one they truly desire_

Looking at the clock for probably the millionth time now (hyperbole intended, of course) since his brother's left the house, Gon stands up from the couch and shakes his head, seeing it's already half past nine—an indication it's way past their curfew.

Gon starts to walk, paces on the living room from where exactly he is as he continuously urges himself to calm down, telling his frenzied mind that _it's just a date, hold it together, Gon, Killua's coming home soon. He is._

But then though, as expected (or not), Gon glances at the clock again, can't help it.

He sighs impatiently, having reminded once more that Killua's almost been out for an hour now. An hour! He shuts his eyes, trying to ease his mind off of Killua's whereabouts.

And if it isn't quite obvious yet, then yes, Killua is on a date with someone. Gon doesn't know if it's like, a proper date of some sorts, but hell, he's aware that Killua's on a date with the most popular girl in their school. One that is in a much, much higher batch than Gon, one that is beautiful, and one that is, Gon's assuming, certainly Killua's type.

Or so Gon thinks.

Eliza of the science club. That's the girl Killua's taken out on a date.

Gon thinks it's unfair... or whatever.

 _Yeah, whatever indeed_ , he'll still wait for his brother to come home no matter.

And why is Gon so worried anyway? What does this serve him as? It's not like Killua can't handle things on his own, right? Killua is the older brother between them two, so it only makes sense he can take care of himself better. Gon knows he shouldn't worry about Killua anymore, but for some reason... he can't seem to not to. And it's so frustrating, this thing here that he feels. It's bothering him.

He should probably go to bed now and just call it a night...  
  
  


**

He wouldn't.

Come 9:56 PM, Gon is still lying awake across the carpet of their household's living room. Yawning non-stop. The stubborn child he is.

He's been willing himself not to fall asleep for the past half hour now, which makes that one and a half hours of Killua being out of his sight, and... god, he's so obsessed.

 _Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic_ , Gon scolds himself mentally, you are one pathetic boy who couldn't for the life of him walk straight—

And then the door is suddenly opening, cutting through Gon's train of scattered thoughts. Killua trudges in. Finally.

He's wearing some fancy clothing right now and by that it means suit and tie—some that Gon prefers worn on him, because according to him, those made Killua look like the younger version of a famous Yuzu himself. Sexy. Alpha-ish. Handsome. _He's got such a handsome brother!_ he wants to yell to the world, but then—

There's another thing that is visibly and prominently etching across Killua's face right now: and it's a frown. A grumpy looking frown.

Gon immediately shoots up from where he lies and goes toward Killua. "Ki-llu-a!" He chirps, dimples denting both his cheeks. "Finally, you're back!"

Gon practically throws himself on Killua, wrapping his arms around his neck, his legs immediately wrapped around Killua's waist. Killua gasps, eyes widening, and instinctively, holds Gon by the bum, carrying him and keeping him from slipping. "Gon," Killua muses. "Damn it, fool. I've just been out for not even that long. What's gotten into you?"

Gon nuzzles his face at the crook of Killua's neck. He whines, "'Missed you."

"That quick?" Killua chuckles, face burning—something he can't explain in words as to why that is.

Gon whines some more, pounding on Killua's left arm. "You find this funny when it's not, Killua! I've been waiting, okay? And yes, _that_ quick."

Killua chuckles louder, shaking his head now as well, letting go of Gon to make him stand on his own. Gon is smiling sadly up at him, half-pouting, but nevertheless happy to see he's finally home.

Home after just two hours. Jeez. Gon needs to get his shit together, basically.

"How come you missed me that much? Isn't mom home? Or the old hag?" Killua asks after a while, confused, but is also feeling tingly on the inside just by Gon looking at him like that. Killua doesn't know why, but it does—Gon's intense stare is giving him butterflies. Or maybe fireworks. Either of those, really. It's crazy.

Gon shakes his head, rather stubbornly. "Mom's... she... she's in her room, yes, but. I don't want, like, I mean— I want you, Killua. Bisky is in her room too, but I didn't want to disturb her study time, so... And besides, it's you that I always want to be with, Killuaaa." Gon laughs sardonically, shaking his head again making his hair bounce along. "It's like... this shouldn't even be a question, Killua. It's you and me, always, right?"

Clingy. Gon's being a clingy baby bro.

And he neither doesn't realise he's being one nor he gives two shits about it. All he knows is Killua is his. As selfish as that sounds but that's just Gon being practical and—claimant perhaps. Claimant of something (or someone) he knows rightfully belongs to him.

Gon is a bad ass you may say. He'd love that.

Sighing fondly, Killua smiles at his brother. "Of course," he says softly, ruffling Gon's hair—to which Gon purrs at like a kitten, pretty much appreciative of Killua's palm caressing his scalp. "It's you and I. Always you and I, Gon."

Gon claps his hands twice."Right! If that's so, come with me then!" Without warning, Gon grabs on Killua's wrist and drags him toward the living area. Killua's eyes go wide at the suddenness of the situation, momentarily flabbergasted by his sibling's antics, but also can't help giggle like a daft about it nonetheless. They're really a bunch of goofs if he's completely honest. Facing Killua as they sit on their mother's settee, Gon cups his own cheeks and smiles big at him, "So... care to tell me how your date went?"

Killua blinks at this. Of all questions, he begrudgingly deems, why does Gon have to pick this?

He shakes his head, looking away as he frowns. "I dunno," he mumbles. "Great? I guess?"

"You guess?" Gon muses, innocence in his big ol' brown eyes. "I— why? How? Was... was Eliza like, a bad date or something?"

Killua sighs. "Nah. She's great and all. Uhm, really nice girl, honest! But uhm, I dunno." Tearing his gaze away from his lap, Killua looks at Gon right in front of him. He bites on his lip. "Maybe... maybe I..." He trails off, and he's out the sudden amiably shaking his head.

He can't. Killua can't.

"Maybe... what, Killua?" Gon presses, tilting his head to the side in wonder.

"Nothing, I'm— nothing. Never mind." Killua stands up from the settee and starts toward the stairs. Gon, confused and curious, decides to trail after him. "I'm just— gonna go to bed now. I'm tired. I'm gonna go have some, uh, rest," Killua adds in a mumbling tone.

And right. Gon may be young and yet naïve, but he knows Killua like the back of his hand so he can never be fooled to realise something's up. He knows everything when it comes to Killua—like he's expert at reading Killua. So he would find out whether Killua is hiding something from him or not. If there really is none, all that.

And right now, just with the way Killua's been acting ever since he's stepped a foot inside their house, Gon has immediately sensed that something's definitely off. That something's not quite... right. Killua isn't himself. And at some crucial times like this, there's only one thing right at this moment that Gon knows—remembers—doing that might just successfully serve him upon making Killua eventually spill. Spill whatever it is he has (or rather needs) to spill.

Gon really hates it when Killua either lies to or hides from him. Is it really too much to ask for pure honesty in this household? Also, it's KilluaandGon always, right? So secrets should be damned.

Lucky as Killua is, Gon will not blatantly address the matter. For boundaries and the like. And hence the fact Gon's quietly following his brother to their room.

As they get inside, Killua starts to strip and change into his sleeping clothes. Gon does the same (because he's like a puppy—or maybe a mime, like that one from the the movie they watched before—always doing what Killua also does). Odd.

After they change into their matching pajamas, Killua and Gon hop in the bathroom and brush their teeth side by side rather wordlessly. The mirror had been customized especially for them. (Gon keeps on making faces, but Killua is blatantly paying him no mind, biting forcibly his tongue) (Gon wants to roll his eyes at it). Done with brushing, they both leave the bathroom and tuck themselves to bed. Killua shifts right away, facing the wall. And Gon sees that, making him pout. He wants Killua to face him instead.

Letting it pass in the meantime, Gon blows out a sigh as he reaches for their lamp; he switches it off, the entire room becoming instantly swallowed in whole by darkness.

"Night, Killua," he mumbles, is still hopeful for a nightly conversation. They always do that after all.

"Mhm... night, Gon." Gon feels something twisting in his stomach instantly having heard that. That tone in Killua's voice. The way it sounded in the dark.

Seriously though, what's happened to Killua? He wasn't like that when he left earlier before supper. But now, why? Back from this 'date' with Eliza... he's suddenly acting oddly. Strangely. Like he's been scarred or something. Gon only hopes Eliza has nothing to do with it, otherwise he'll... Nah. Gon can't even hurt a fly, more so hit a girl. Jeez.

Gon looks up from where he lies and stares up at the ceiling that's full of glow-in-the-dark stickers. They had them since he was three and Killua was five. They're the heavenly bodies, not stars, and Gon was the one who'd insisted they go there, in full display, scattered all across their ceiling. He could tell Killua loved them. Even now, actually.

"Ne, Killua?" Gon starts to finally speak, making Killua perk up just a bit.

"Yeah, Gon?" Killua almost immediately responds. Well, that was... suspiciously out of character, Gon thinks.

"Do you still remember when we were younger? Mito-san used to tuck us in bed, then we'd wait until she's gone..." Killua hums, indicating he does remember. Gon smiles at that, something warm coursing through him. He continues on, "We would play camp back then, build a tent out of pillows and blankets, and then we—"

"We would put our lamp in the middle to light us both so that we can make shadow characters with our hands," Killua finishes for him, is now looking toward his direction, refraining from smiling too much. "Why did you bring this up, Gon?"

Gon faces him too, grinning mischievously. "I say, let's do it."

Killua chuckles, finding it ridiculous. "But, Gon—"

Gon sits up. "Oh, come on, Ki-llu-a," he drawls, dragging Killua's name almost sounding like he's whining it instead. He's still grinning silly though.

Killua rolls his eyes, murmurs, "Idiot." Fondly for that matter.

Gon patiently waits for his agreement.

Eventually and inevitably, Killua gives up. Because fuck, if Gon's playing that game on him, that freaking adorable monkey face pulling, then resistance be out of the question. Killua will never stand a chance.

"Fine," he grumbles out.

Gon fist-pumps the air. _Yayayaya!_ Dimples out.

Scrambling up to his feet and landing them on the floor, Gon brings his favorite pillow with him and flops himself down on Killua's bed. Killua tries hard and stifles his laughter, afraid that Mito-san might get disturbed from the other room and scold them for being noisy in the late of night, as he gives room for his baby brother.

"Alright," Gon says, still having that monkey grin only he can muster, "now, the lamp."

Reaching out to their nightstand, one that's situated between his and Gon's bed, Killua takes the lamp placed above it. He switches it on as he carefully places it in the middle of the bed. And Killua holds himself together from then because damn if he's not feeling giddy about this whole thing that is such a ridiculous idea. He keeps on biting his lip in the process! It's like he's in grade seven again!

Gon though... oh, the sweet ol' Gon. He's much, much worse. He's so obvious with both his dimples on display it's actually contagious. Jesus. He really is serious about this, isn't he?

As they sit across each other with the lamp set in front of them, Gon once and for all motions for a blanket to be put over their heads. Killua nods at that. Feeling accomplished after they team on Killua's blue blankie, Gon declares they're ready to go camping.

Just like the old times.

They make animal heads with their hands and fingers alike, Killua doing a puppy and Gon a bunny... talking to each other and joking around.

Killua laughs just when he attempts to mock-bite Gon's bunny fingers, to which Gon mocks making a run for, not letting Killua score against him. Tired of doing the bunny, Gon replaces it with a bird. Killua too, although he insists it's a butterfly (so he isn't copying Gon, the git), despite Gon doesn't even mind. They carry on having the time of their lives.

And see, the point of this actually is to make Killua smile again. Genuinely. And will you look at that. Seems like Gon's done it again.

If there's one person who could make Killua smile like he truly means it, it's Gon.

"So," Gon says after a while, catching his breath for he's laughed one too many times, lowering his hands, "feel better now, Killua?"

Killua gives him a half-smile at this, shrugging. "Yeah," he says softly, "thanks."

Gon grins, nodding. "Good."  
  
  


**

They're both catching their breaths. They've never laughed so hard and genuinely for a while.

Comes the calm, silence washes over them. And Gon stares at Killua without moving an inch. No friction, no nothing.

Killua stares back, hands on either side of him.  
  
  
  


**

It's gone completely quiet inside their room, their little makeshift tent. Dead. Quiet. Killua can only blink those long eyelashes of him... languidly so.  
  
  


**

And it's Killua who finally gives and tries to break it.

Despite feeling awkward about it, flailing with his words... by his trapped words, Killua manages to open his mouth, "I—"

But then Gon has already beat him to it. He was quick to surge forward and cup Killua's face with his clammy hands, shutting Killua up completely with his lips on his, soft and wet and...sweet.

And. What. _What's going on?_

Killua's eyes are wide, shocked. Overwhelmed.

He doesn't seem capable of moving, eyes just locked on Gon's. Only for a second short moment, because Gon's already lowering down his eyelids. Slowly, slowly... dramatically.

Gon's fingers move against the sides of his face, curling on his soft snow white hair, tips caressing his cheeks. Killua's getting drunk on this—actually feeling like he could get used to this. Gon's mouth on his, their scents lingering in the air.

Killua moves his lips in sync with Gon's. And it's only gone wetter from there, tongues darting out and chasing each other's tastes.

And wow, okay. Gon's properly kissing him—him, his brother, Killua—and. And apparently, Killua's loving it. He's enjoying this too much.

Slowly and hesitantly, Killua melts into Gon's soft touches and sweet, soft lips. He scoots closer to Gon as if it's not enough that he's kissing him. And until he's on his baby brother's lap then, their arms snaking around each other's small waists... They make out for a while, lips locking and tongues suckling.

Gon slides his tongue inside Killua's mouth smoothly, licking tiny stripes, tasting Killua with his wet slick tongue. Killua does the same.

Their kissing lasts for a while (a bit of a long while at that) and then just stops when Killua decides to pull away.

"Gon, I think I might be gay," comes his confession with his voice sounding so breathless, heart pounding admittedly hard against his chest. Fireworks pool at his stomach, dreading for the worst.

Except there's no worst.

"Then I'm right with my assumptions then," Gon says, just as breathless, hair sticking in different directions. He licks at his lips. They taste like his brother, Killua. And he loves it. He's a fucked up. But he probably doesn't know he's a fucked up though, because he's only twelve (isn't even a perfect kisser yet.) All he knows however is that Killua's lips taste good. He feels like kissing him again.

"Assumptions?" Killua puzzles, is a bit dazed, staring at Gon's swollen red lips. Killua can't believe he's just kissed those. And—oh, god, Gon's his first kiss.

"Yeah," Gon breathes out, "because ever since Killua came back from his date with Eliza, he'd been acting weird."

"I did?" Killua muses. Then again maybe yes, he had been. "Anyway, just for clarification... Eliza and I didn't go on a date. It's more like a friendly one. I mean, I suppose so it was. We just ate ice cream, talked and that's it. It's just a bet Leorio and I started. I lost, so I had to bring Eliza out."

Gon doesn't know it, but something that screams relief is coursing through him, making him smile big. "Ah... I see," he mutters. So it wasn't a date then.

"Yeah." Killua sighs. "On that moment, when I was out with the prettiest girl in our school, I've come to realize that maybe I don't like girls after all. Like, I dunno. I really dunno, Gon. So perhaps when I got home, I was feeling so lost. I was lost in my thoughts about what I truly wanted." Scratching the back of his neck, Killua looks up to meet Gon's glassy brown eyes yet again, ears heating up. "But then, you... you kissed me. And that made me realize that, yeah, maybe I am. Like, gay." Stressing his lower lip, Killua suddenly demands an answer, "Why'd you even do that by the way? The kiss?"

Gon shrugs. "I just thought it was necessary, since I also know what I want now," he says simply. Killua raises an eyebrow, an indication that he proceed, so he does, "Well, I... I actually had this sort of contemplation for quite some time now, Killua. Like, I think I like wearing feminine clothes more. Than manly ones. Or like, move gracefully, you know? Just like a girl, something like that." Gon breathes in. And then sighs. "Uh, I also don't get attracted to girls, see... and I used to wonder why. But then I kissed you just now and, well, it suddenly all makes sense. I loved it. 'Guess, I'm a bit gay too, ne, Killua? So there."

He waits for Killua to respond, say something, just anything. And until Killua does. "So it's Gon-chan, then?" He jokes.

Gon snorts. "Sure, Killua, sure."

Killua grins. "Gon-chan. It's settled then," he says. A beat, he adds, "I loved the kiss too by the way. You're my—"

"—first kiss, Killua," Gon pipes. Both their eyes go wide, especially Gon. "Wait. Seriously?"

"Yeah."

And oh. "Oh."  
  
  
  


**

Without much ado, Killua surges forward and so does Gon. They meet each other halfway, letting their lips crash into one another. Killua parts his lips, giving Gon the chance to lick inside his mouth, producing subtle moans as they once again taste each other's sweetness. From there their kiss became sloppier and messier, both feeling hazy and horny and desperate, like they've waited for this moment all their lives.

And maybe they did.

Maybe.

The lamp gets knocked off as they continue to kiss, Killua pressing in much further, having Gon lie down to his back and finally Killua settling on top of him. He straddles Gon's thighs and hips, nipping on Gon's bottom lip, to which in return Gon hums for in appreciation. He moves his lips slowly yet deliciously firm against Killua's, while Killua grinds awkwardly against him, not really aware of what he's achieving by doing it.

As they keep on doing just this—savoring each other's mouths, grinding ridiculously, and tugging on each other's hairs—suddenly, Mito-san comes knocking on the door. "Killua? Gon?" She calls, completely unsuspecting.

Killua accidentally kicks the lamp behind him as he jumps to the sound of her voice, making the poor thing fall on the ground, and Gon on the other hand bolts right up. He scrambles to his feet and goes back to his bed at that, and just for the sake of appearing normal, he straightens up and pulls the cover up to his chin. The cheeky bastard.

"What're you boys up to?" Mito-san asks the moment she's opened the door.

" _Nothing_."

" _Praying_."

Mito-san raises her eyebrows at them. "O-kay?" she says slowly, giving them a skeptical look. After a beat, she speaks again, "Well, it's way past your bedtime now, so I say you both go to sleep, yeah?"

They both nod. Frantically, for Gon's case. He truly can't lie and act for shit. "Yes, ma."

Nodding, Mito-san turns to Killua. "How'd your date go, by the way, Kil?"

Temporarily distracted by Gon's swollen lips just a bed away from him, Killua blinks at this. "Ah?"

"Your date. With— Ella, is it?"

Oh, right. "It's... uhm, okay. It's just okay, mom."

Mito-san nods again. "Good night then, you two. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Yes, ma, thanks."

In a minute, she's gone.

And in another minute, Killua's gone to Gon's bed and they share it. They kiss again, for a while—again, a long while, just until their mouths had enough. Satisfied, they fall asleep with their hands interlocked.

(Bless them).


	6. GON AND KILLUA: AT 15 AND 17

****

**Gon [15]:** _The cutest when jealous_  
 **Killua [17]:** _The subtlest when jealous_

Zushi grabs two cushions from the couch and places them on the spot across the carpet where he's been sitting. He slumps his bum on top of them, the cushions serving as leverages, and then he proceeds playing Pokémon with Gon by the living room.

They're at the Freecss' right now, mostly Gon's idea. Or rather an invitation for Zushi to join him tonight, since Mito's gone off to her mother's. Which, boring. He's got no mom to bake cookies with, that's why.

About his second option, Bisky, she's not in their household any longer now if that is news yet, rooming with some of her friends in Yorknew ever since she's started college, so there's no sister to tease and pick on for Gon in the meantime.

Last on his list: is his brother Killua. Well, he's not home too, sadly... He's gone out with a very (like painfully) attractive guy ages ago from now and yet they're still at some party at this point. They are currently Gon and Zushi's subject of conversation. Uh, actually, that guy to be precised is their topic, but whatever.

Whatever.

But like, Gon isn't being biased here, okay? He even referred to the guy who's-better-off-unknown as 'attractive' for heaven's sakes! Then again, it just so happened that it's some guy whose face so gorgeous, eyelashes so long, jawline so prominently sharp, that is, unfortunately, with Killua Freecss right now, so. So, God forbid if Gon isn't feeling any damn jealousy right now.

That guy could be sweeping Killua off his feet at this very moment! And Gon won't even be able to do anything about it! Because while his brother's out and having fun, on the other hand he's here at home in his kiddie pajamas eating sandwich, feeling queasy and bitter and—ugh.

Gon doesn't like being one sitting at home, no... not even a tiny bit. Not when Killua's out there being slowly seduced by someone Gon probably has no chance competing against with.

Grabbing another big bite on his sandwich, Gon holds his joystick upright and focuses on the game despite the thoughts of KilluaKilluaKillua haunting him. He frowns, eyebrows furrowing, and chews frantically like a daft kid without him actually noticing. And then he only snaps out of it when Zushi calls on his name, pulling his attention.

"Hmm?" is what Gon lets out, blinking his gaze from the screen to Zushi next to him.

"I asked, Gon, what are you so worried about with your brother being out with Mr. Attractive?" Zushi repeats to say apparently.

Gon sighs, shrugging. "I dunno, Zushi... I just..."

"You know what, don't even answer that," Zushi says dismissively. "I understand anyway."

"Zushi does?" Gon quips, raising an eyebrow, eyes impossibly wide and looking so innocent. Gon's got some mayo on his chin. It's ridiculous.

Zushi looks at him, wiggling his eyebrows as if to imply _I just really know you that well_. "Yes," he says, "Because god, Gon, I don't even know just why, but Killua is yours, you said. Like you've said for almost a thousand times now actually, ever since we became friends, right. And apparently, you're a clingy kid, so. I'm guessing it's just you being your possessive self towards your brother."

Gon's full on blushing. Zushi can read him. He hates that Zushi can read him. Although he's thankful too.

Again, whatever. What matters right now is that yeah, Zushi is totally being relevant about what he's just said and that yeah, damn it, Killua's with Chrollo freaking Lucilfer.

(Why must Killua befriend that model looking guy from their senior, really? Is he trying to make Gon cry? If so, he's doing an ace job of it, because Gon wants to, now, like he needs some good crying moment). Gon sighs again—a long and suffering one at that.

Pausing their game, Gon faces Zushi completely. And then he starts ranting. He tells him about Killua being the sweetest brother alive, ever, tells him about Killua's kindness, intelligence, brilliance and prettiness. Okay, that last one slipped, but hurrah, Zushi didn't seem to notice. Maybe because he agrees... Well, Gon only feels a little bit jealous then, if that.

As their little chat about Killua goes on for a bit more minutes, Killua himself all the sudden comes trudging in. Gon and Zushi's heads snap up at that, and it's Gon who stands up firstly like instinct.

"Killua," he breathes out. _He breathes Killua, what the heck._

Killua stares at him from where he stands, which is by the entryway of the living room, averting his gaze to eye Zushi and then back to Gon. He huffs, shaking his head, running his hands delicately through his soft white hair. He's not saying anything.

After a beat, Killua leaves the scene and goes up the stairs, leaving a baffled Gon and confused Zushi on his wake. Well, that was odd, Gon thinks, glancing down at Zushi. Zushi shrugs, is just as clueless as him.

Moments to it, Zushi has finally left and gone home, which had given Gon no other choice but to call it a night as well. He's inside their room now, lying small on his bed... and Killua is also there, all hyped up and slurring, laughing at his own stories that he's telling Gon.

And right, okay, Killua is drunk. Gon thinks it's stupid, but he doesn't say.

Though really, Gon keeps asking himself, why did he look at Gon like that just now, as though Gon's being offensive just by hanging out with Zushi?

Zushi is Killua's friend too, isn't the lad? In fact, Gon's known Zushi through Killua, so really it's confusing him. Killua couldn't possibly be getting jealous over him and Zushi now, could he?

Gon doesn't bring up that subject. He keeps quiet to himself and just lets Killua tell him about this party he's been in instead. And of course, there's the mention of that senior Chrollo.

And if Gon's flinched and felt all jealous just by hearing Killua say Chrollo's name and says he's so amazing and kind and cool, Gon chooses to just... swallow down his sorrows.  
  
  


**

The next time Gon gets jealous with the same reason, the same guy known as Chrollo godlike Lucilfer, he's in their room and is reading some romantic book—some story about love that Senritsu-sensei had made him borrow from the school library from three days ago—with his feet propped up on the pillow.

It's a nice and serene afternoon as is, Mito is doing the laundry downstairs, Killua is home, and Bisky just called earlier feeding them news about college (and spilling a few about her relationship with their childhood playmate, Minato Kurosaki.)

Perfect day for Gon so far? Perhaps.

Or maybe not so, because as minutes pass like a blur, the inevitable occurs. Killua barges in through the door, with his giggles a bit high-pitched, his phone tucked between his shoulder and ear. He's chatting with someone on the other line, quite loudly for that matter, pulling Gon's full attention just like that.

No clue yet as to what's the hype about, Gon attempts a conversation with Killua. "How's your day, Killua? We haven't spoken for like two days straight now, and—"

And he's cut off mid-sentence. "Wait, Gon. I mean, Gon-chan, I'm just... Chrollo, hold it, man, let me just get to my drawer to get it, aight?" Paying Gon a glance, Killua mouths _I'm on the phone, talk to you later, okay?_

And okay, Gon gets that. In fact, he gets that quite much it hurts. He's on the phone with Chrollo Lucilfer. Again. It's been that way ever since Killua's become a Junior. Damn it.

So is it ChrolloandKillua now, huh? Not GonandKillua anymore? That hurts, alright? But Gon isn't gonna cry now. Big boys shouldn't cry at this point.

Besides, at least Killua still called him Gon-chan... and Chrollo only got the pet name 'man'. Maybe that's good enough for now with Gon. Good enough for him to not confront Killua about his and Chrollo's relationship just yet.

Gon is letting this one slide.

But shit, he drops the book he's enjoying on reading just now, and face-plants his face on the pillow. (They smell like him and Killua when they're making out on it. Ugh).

 _I miss Killua, I miss Killua, I miss Killuaaa!_ He chants in his head. His heart hurts. Gon smudges his face on the pillow some more...

And if Gon groans against it after moments, he surely keeps it muffled and barely audible. He doesn't want Killua to get 'disturbed' from his chatting with Mr. Attractive.  
  
  


**

Comes a different day, same shit happened. And if Gon's perfectly honest to himself (and just heck, the universe itself), he so damn hates it.

He was at school when the same thing occurred, right at the cafeteria of all places, and at the time, he was with Zushi.

They were taking their break and Gon was discussing History with Zushi—who didn't seem to get half of it—when Gon's gaze suddenly flicked from Zushi's aggressively chewing mouth to Killua Freecss from across the room.

Killua, he—well, he was ensued with such delicate adjectives that day. Soft, warm, lovely, and cuddly... He was wearing one of Gon's sweaters that was why.

Sad thing was, he was dining with none other than Chrollo himself.

Gon's heart picked up its pace. He couldn't handle it. The feeling of getting jealous and left out and owned.

Without thinking, Gon bolted right up from where he was sat, nudging Zushi's tray in his wake (one that earned himself a groan but boy did Gon not care, psh), and stormed toward Killua and Chrollo's table. Gon crossed his arms over his chest and he blurted, air-quoting the word always, "Killua and Gon, Gon and Killua, 'always', no more?"

For a second there, Gon thought he saw Killua's face go red. But then Chrollo surprised Gon—he had surprised Gon so much that he forgot about Killua's flushed face—by standing up and offering a hand toward him. "Gon, right? You're Killua's brother—"

"Foster," Killua had insisted, "foster brother." Which was strange...

"Right." Chrollo chuckled, face crinkling on the sides. He was adorable. "Anyway. Hey, Gon, the foster brother of Ki-llu-a. I'm Chrollo, by the way."

Gon's left eyebrow cocked up at that, finding it all odd. He glared at Chrollo's offered hand on that moment, shifting his gaze from it and then to Killua's cowering posture, perched on the chair next to Chrollo. At the time, Gon didn't give two shits about Killua and his lowered gaze, all shy and guilty. Because on that moment, Gon's thoughts were directed only to the fact that _that_ Chrollo dude, who'd just introduced himself to Gon, had just said Killua's name in such a fond tone. And see, that's Gon's way of saying Killua's too. Mito-san, Bisky and even Zushi, know that! They even do it too sometimes, but with Gon's approval. It indicates that they're Killua's first priorities, just like how Killua is too when it comes to them. Now if Chrollo addressed Killua with such tone, then... he might be really close to Killua now.

Gon decided he did not like that at all. Not at all.

Inhaling sharply, Gon took Chrollo's hand. He still shook it, being the normally polite boy he was, and said, referring to Chrollo's question earlier, "The one and only, yes. Hi, Chrollo."

Chrollo nodded, beaming, and god, if Gon thought he was 'attractive' days prior then, that time, with him standing that close to him, Gon admittedly had felt nothing but small. Chrollo was not just attractive. He was charismatic. Gorgeous...

"Nice to finally meet you," said Chrollo, all white pearls, long delicate eyelashes, and bright sedative eyes. Gon's heart shattered into tiny pieces.

At that point on, Killua still wouldn't look at him.

And again at that point, Gon knew he'd already lost the battle. Nevertheless though, Gon still mumbled out, "Likewise," and then in a minute, he was gone.  
  
  
  


**

To distract himself from that painful encounter back in the cafeteria, Gon comes along with Zushi and they go to the mall. They play arcades, buy snacks on the walk, and talk about Zushi and his unhealthy obsession over Pokémon. Gon's grateful for it. He's forgotten about Killua's guilty look from earlier.

At seven in the evening, Gon tells Zushi he has to go home. He's not feeling well. Zushi walks him to his house then, and he thanks Zushi for that.

Jogging up the stairs after he's kissed Mito from the kitchen, Gon goes straight to his and Killua's shack, only to get disappointed. Again, for the last time.

Killua's with Chrollo in their room and they're on Killua's bed, talking quietly. Gon may or may not have heaved out a sigh of relief on that one—he's a bit glad that they weren't kissing when he walks in on them.

Immediately, Killua looks at Gon. And they just stare at each other for a while, no one daring to talk.

Tearing his piercing gaze away from Killua, Gon rolls his eyes and opts to ignore him. He toes his shoes off, flops on his bed as he tucks himself in, and wills himself to just sleep, _sleep, Gon, sleep!_ , (and perhaps never wake up again). He's pathetic.

Hearing Killua sigh, Gon follows that up with his own. Minutely though, he also then starts hearing Chrollo and Killua resuming from talking quietly to themselves. By the time Gon hears Killua say _don't mind, Gon, he's just being immature again_ , that's when Gon shoots up from bed to be mad at Killua, yell at him and say he's a knob.

"You—!" He stops himself in an instant, having seen Chrollo handing Killua a flower.

"Kurapika," Chrollo says, gaze locked with Killua's. "Will you kindly accept this flower and perhaps go out with me?"

Killua flutters his eyelashes ridiculously, attempting flamboyancy. "Oh, Chrollo, sure," he says in some high-pitched voice, trying and failing terribly.

Chrollo laughs at that, cheeks tinting of nothing but reds and pinks. He really is gorgeous, Gon thinks absently as he watches all the questionable commotions.

And like, what's going on? Who's Kurapika?

Killua taps Chrollo's shoulder. "You're good to go now, man. You're a grown up who's ready to sweep a grumpy guy's feet off a cow's shit land. I'm sure Kurapika will say yes to you. I mean, with that face? I'd say, who the fuck wouldn't?" For a moment there, Gon catches Killua eyeing him sideways, is even smirking now at him. All smug and blithe. What could that mean?

Chrollo sighs. "Hopefully, Killua. I really like him."

And oh. _Oh_ , Gon thinks. He gets it now. Shit.

Not having stopped himself, Gon suddenly sneezes from where he stands. And Killua is right in front of him within a second, cupping his face gently yet firmly and studying him. He feels his forehead. "Fuck," Killua curses, "you're so hot, what the fuck? You've caught a bug, babe."

Chrollo frowns from behind Killua, looking genuinely worried just like Killua himself. "Let him take meds right away, Kil. You don't want your Gon-chan getting worse."

Gon might not be breathing anymore at this point. What did Chrollo just say? Does this mean... Chrollo is aware of him and Killua?

What's going on?

"What's going on?" Gon asks, feeling hot all over all the sudden, especially now that Killua's attention is all on him again, he finally knows Chrollo is after all in love with someone else and that they aren't boyfriends, and that of course Killua is still a hundred percent Gon's.

KilluaandGon, always, still. Hell yes.

"Well, let's just say that... I might've slipped one day to Chrollo about our shenanigans, Gon," Killua says, his cheeks a beautiful shade of red.

Chrollo snorts. "One day," he scoffs, "right."

Killua turns his head to glare at Chrollo. Gon gets even more confused. "Shut up, Chrollo."

Chrollo laughs as he shakes his head. "Oh, Ki-llu-a, you can't make me." Looking at Gon, Chrollo reveals Killua's darkest secrets, "This friend of mine, Gon, he always talks about you. Nonstop! That even sometimes, I had to bring up some random topic just to shut him up."

"Chrollo, bruh," Killua admonishes, eyes wide. "Fuck off."

Chrollo carries on, "It's always, oh, Gon this, Gon that. My Gon-chan this, my Gon-chan that. Gon looks cute today, Gon laughed at my joke at breakfast. Gon smiled at me, Gon is with Zushi again and I'm jealous—"

"Enough!" Killua finally shrieks out, slapping a hand to cover Chrollo's mouth. His face is truly bloody red now. Gon couldn't help his jaw-breaking grin, his brown eyes glassy and bright. "You idiot," Killua bites. "What if I tell Kurapika myself that you wank on his stern, death stare every night, you moron?"

Chrollo doesn't seem fazed with that threat, only laughing out loud some more. Killua eventually gives up, just lunging himself over to Gon and burying his nose at the crook of his neck—something he does when wanting to hide his flushed and embarrassed face. Gon of course loves it.

In fact, he loves it too much he may be having a little twitch right on his crotch right now.

And you know what? Whatever. It's—whatever. Even if Gon's just clearly made an ass of himself for making false speculations about Chrollo and Killua's real relationship, he supposes nothing really is perfect in this world. Instead of acknowledging his wrongdoings, he purposefully ignores them and just focuses on the fact that Killua is absolutely his.

A million and one percent his.

Gon couldn't be happier.

(Also, Chrollo is cool. He has no problems with the guy. He likes Chrollo).


	7. GON AND KILLUA: AT 16 AND 18

****

**Gon [16]:** _Never going to ever let go_  
 **Killua [18]:** _Doing what he thinks is right_

Summer is approaching, and it's almost the end of school year, which means, it's the last game of soccer match now at Killua and Gon's high school as well.

Just like in each school Killua's ever attended to, he always is a participant in soccer—always a player of the said sport—and just like the usual, becoming the captain at each premise.

Now being a captain of footie, normally of course, it has its own perks and everything, and usually, they have their own rivals.

Well, Killua just happened to be Pokkle's rival, a senior from section C, the captain of his team's rival as well. Which, cool. Pokkle is shit anyway, Killua can beat his ass in absolutely anything. There's just this one problem though. And it's the fact that Pokkle is also, unluckily, one of Gon Freecss' closest friends.

Close friends as in Gon on a casual basis invites Pokkle in for a TV time, they hang out at the Freecss' residence every once in a while, with Pokkle even eating dinner there when he's stayed quite long enough that Mito offers he stayed for her specialties, and then often makes awkward glances at Killua in the duration of it all.

Killua hates it more than he should. He thinks Gon can do better. For one, Zushi with Gon makes Killua jealous, because Gon mostly is pink-cheeked when he laughs too much to Zushi's lame jokes, and secondly, Pokkle with Gon is disturbing, what with Pokkle cares for Gon too much, that this boy never lets Gon execute reckless stuff.

And really, it's borderline stupid; that should be Killua, making Gon laugh, causing him those pink cheeks and dimples and doe eyes; and that should be Killua, caring way too much for his baby brother, to the point of him, tying Gon up in some place where not even a single needle lies, which will cost him not only blood but also pain.

Those should be Killua's job. Why can't Gon just stick to him instead?

What's even worse is, Killua's almost out of their school, is off to college now to start young adult stuff and such. How is he supposed to look out for his brother now if that's the case? Killua's hopeless.

On the contrary, the mentioned last match of footie is today. Right now.

Jogging towards and inside the field, Killua looks around him, among the crowds, the bleachers, trying to spot where his brother is. On the third row, probably on the fifth slot, he finally sees Gon, wearing some red shirt, _K. Freecss_ on the front of it and some black face paint on each his cheek—and he's waving and grinning at his direction. Killua tries to make out if it is him Gon is waving at, just to make sure, and—oh, right, it's him.

Smiling big (in relief that it is him after all), Killua waves back. "Hey, babe," Killua whispers, words definitely only heard by him, what with the entire school field is packed with noisy students from Year Fives to Junior Highs.

"Oi! Gon!" Someone suddenly chirps from behind Killua. "You came to watch me!"

As though some car has loudly screeched into such an aggressive halt, Killua freezes on his spot, waving hand stopping and hanging in mid-air, eyes widening in embarrassment. And then realization hits him. Gon is waving at Pokkle—who is standing right behind him—and not at himself.

Killua looks at Gon from afar again. And this time, the boy is shouting his name. Enthusiastic, grinning madly, waving happily. "Killua! Ki-llu-a! Go, Killua!"

And not to be immature or what, but. Instead of appreciating it all the same, Killua asks himself like the daft boy he is.

_I come at second now, is that it?_

Because it hurts. This is such a big day for him, and Gon is here, the biggest deal in his life. But he's acknowledging that Pokkle before anything else. Anyone else.

Killua sucks in a deep breath.

Managing a small smile, again, Killua waves back at Gon, but rather belated now this second time around, feeling his stomach churning in despair.

Killua has a feeling this won't become a very good day for him after all, even when Gon's cooked him breakfast this morning and told him he loves him...

Well, Killua's hoping it won't be.

He's hoping he isn't such a selfish jealous brat.  
  
  
  


**

A while later, after thinking that maybe, just maybe, if Killua won against Pokkle's team in this last soccer match of the year he would finally get all of Gon's attention, Killua is proven wrong the second he turns.

Once his mates have put him down after they've cheered his name as he's scored a goal for last, Killua catches Gon and Pokkle hugging intimately by the railings of the bleachers. Like, Gon's even rubbing Pokkle's back, and in return Pokkle is snuggling in his neck...

For the moment there, Killua imagines he's Pokkle and he was the one being hugged so tight and careful by Gon Freecss like that instead.

But no. That's just an illusion, just an imagination. A fantasy.

And Killua really, really needs to get out of here now before he does something stupid, like maybe pick a fight with Pokkle. Or steal Gon away and yell at his face, _I own you!_

He shouldn't. That makes him a toxic jealous prick.

Killua immediately runs. He runs, because he's hurting, getting jealous, and feeling left out. And he realizes, the part where his team won will probably never overshadow the fact he just lost the most important person in his life.  
  
  
  


**

Chrollo together with Kurapika, his boyfriend, gave Killua a ride back home.

They keep reassuring him that Gon might've only run over to Pokkle first to console him because he lost the match. Killua wants to believe that. So badly. So, so badly. But it's hard.

They say that maybe Gon wasn't able to get to him fast enough, since Killua mostly had been surrounded by so much cheering students after all. They have a point. And maybe Killua trusts Chrollo's words like that. But he supposes now isn't just a good time to discuss it. For one, Killua's too knackered and needs rest, and two, Gon's actions ever since he and Pokkle start hanging out, have been rendering him hopeless through and through. He's getting tired of it. His heart getting stomped on...

Chrollo seems to understand, of course he does. He's seen Killua cried over Gon countless time. Get himself drunk because of him. Even Kurapika has witnessed that.

Killua is just so done. Been so toxic loving someone that'll never be his. He needs some rest. Rest is good.  
  
  
  


**

Stepping in their home, Killua gets instantly greeted by Mito's warm hug, peppering him with lip-smacking kisses on his cheeks, forehead, top of the head and temples, each with such congratulatory cheer, appraisal, and wow.

Bisky on the other hand, wolf-whistles and says she's so proud of him via Skype from their desktop computer, one that Mito's mystery man, Matsu, has bought for them, all plush and brand-new in display by their living room. Killua only smiles at them, fondly, face coated with mixture of sweat and Mito's red lipstick, jersey filled with grass strands and dirt.

He looks so beat. But mostly, heartbroken.

After all the congratulating and compliments, Mito shoos him so he can shower and rest. He complies, hiding his pained mood, his mind still wandering over the fact Gon isn't home yet. He wonders where must be his baby brother is right now, whether if he's still with Pokkle or maybe after all looking for Killua.

He hopes it's the second one.

And maybe it is.

Because minutes later, Gon's barging in inside their room. "Killua?" he calls, voice cautious, hesitancy coating its entirety. It's made Killua's hairs stand on their ends momentarily.

He's in the shower, and despite the spray is switched on, creating noise and running, he still can hear Gon coming in further, once again calling for his name. Carrying on showering, Killua ignores the pang on his chest as he refrains from acknowledging Gon. He just continually washes his body with his and Gon's shared soap. A cherry scented one, Gon's pick. And really, it's always all about Gon, innit?

When he's done in the bathroom, he dries himself with his beaten towel, ruffles his wet locks and steps out to their room. Gon is there, he sees, sitting on his bed, looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

And Killua finally snaps, can't really handle that kind of smile. "What do you want?" he asks, voice low—he isn't actually being snippy—but he is scarily calm and cold, that Gon blinks rapidly at him, showing such mild confusion.

"I don't know, Killua, you tell me," is Gon's reply to his cold tone, "you were the one who left me all alone in the bleachers, weren't you? I was looking for Killua, but Killua had left."

Killua purses his lips into a thin line, just gazing fiercely at Gon on his bed—who's looking so agitated and confused, frustrated—his mind having another flashback of Gon and Pokkle's intimate hug all from earlier. He shakes his head stiffly, blowing off a sigh. He can neither look at Gon nor deal with him right now.

"I was tired," is all Killua feeds Gon, never going to admit he's actually jealous of Pokkle all this time, or really, every fucking time, "so I let Chrollo drive me home."

Gon stands up from Killua's bed, muses, "Wow," while his heating gaze is still obviously burning on Killua's distant self, walking toward his own bed and shaking his head. "So much for me coming to your game for full support, huh, Killua. I even wore your jersey to show you and everyone how much I idolize you." Gon's being snappy, that much is obvious to Killua, considering he's using a tone of sarcasm at him and all, but Killua won't get angry now... not ever. Not a million fights could make him hate Gon after all. Sitting down on his bed, Gon sardonically says, "Thank you for your appreciation, Killua. Wow. It's truly felt, I swear. I can totally hear you saying your thank-you."

Killua's eye twitches at that last bit. And no. No, he's not snapping—not gonna argue with Gon.

Gathering all his might and strength and temperance level, he suppresses a strangled noise and just ends up blowing off a sigh. Nope, not today, Killua tells himself again, he's not going to confront Gon and give in.

"Thank you then," Killua says instead, voice still cold as ice, "I guess." And then he drops his towel from around his waist and starts wearing some clothes on, not bothering to cover up his ass knowing Gon's watching him, and afterwards flops himself on his bed.

And if Killua starts to cry quietly on his own because of so much pain he's been enduring all day—or really, since Gon's become distant and snappy to him unlike before when he was yet his precious little Gon—he makes sure that Gon won't know.

(And fuck it, call Killua dramatic if you want, but he loves Gon more than anything in this world, so sue him if it affects him this much).  
  
  
  
  


**

By the end of the month, Killua's finally done with his clearances and affirmations, has gotten his certificate of Good Moral as well as his final exams results, and is now packing his stuff for college.

He'll be leaving Whale Island within two days for a bigger city that is Yorknew, meaning a bigger opportunity, night parties, cute boys, new friends—new him, new everything—and lastly, a life away from Gon. So he can distant himself away from Gon, Killua keeps to himself, trying not to break, trying not to frown. He can do this, he knows he can.

Gon will be left on his own here at their adoptive mother, everyone knows that since he's still on his way to being a senior next school year, and Killua is in fact two years ahead of him.

Well, Gon isn't exactly okay with it. Of course he's not. But ever since that latest fight Killua and he had, Killua's never been more determined to be onboard with this 'moving out' plan and applying for colleges in Yorknew, instead of the colleges they have within the town. Anything for moving on, just that, that this is all about for Killua, really.

Anything Killua can do that's to do with avoiding Gon and forgetting him completely—about him, his love for him—and to save himself from becoming completely insane... Like, just to remind him how they're really brothers and brothers weren't supposed to become lovers. And that all that concerns Killua and his feelings for Gon have to stop.

And maybe that's a bit unfair of Killua—just suddenly giving up on this thing he and Gon have built up to themselves for years. Thus Gon has come up with a plan to win him back, to somehow change his mind on this forbidden love that they have, and to have Killua keep on loving him and never giving up. Even if he'd still move out. Gon decides for talking it out with Killua, make him cave in.

If he can.

Following Killua around their room like a lost puppy, Gon is set to make Killua melt into him again, in his arms, make Killua talk to him again in the way he used to, and to make Killua realize what he'll miss when he's gone.

"I love you, Killua," Gon says, voice soft, fond and loving, is not really expecting a reply from Killua or anything. "I hope you have so much fun in Yorknew. Gain new friends."

And of course, Killua doesn't acknowledge him. He just carries on packing, walking in and out of the bathroom for his toiletries.

Gon isn't giving up though, still following him wherever he goes inside their room. "I hope you find happiness there, Killua. I hope you'd be happy every day for when you wake up. Even if I'm not there to make you breakfast. Pancakes with honey syrup, your favorite."

Going toward his drawers, Killua takes out his pajama collection, his socks collection too, and packs them. He's still not looking at Gon, but he's feeling nostalgic already, thinking about Gon's golden pancakes, pastas and steaks. Killua will miss those. But mostly he'll miss Gon... so much.

Sitting on his bed, watching Killua pack his pajamas and couple of sweaters, Gon continues, "I hope you meet a... boy there as well, Killua." Gon notices Killua's hand twitch at his words, but he carries on, "A boy that would make you laugh and smile and giggle, Killua. That one. Some boy that would make your face crinkle in so much laughter... like the way I used to make you do."

Sighing, Killua finally speaks, his voice very soft, "Gon... stop it."

Gon's heart crawls up his throat. Killua looks at him, making him feel warm and nervous and more in love from the inside. Killua looks so beautiful it's actually hurting Gon now. Just realizing that this beautiful boy in front of him—his love, his everything, his forever, his babe—is about to leave now is killing Gon fast. He's about to forget what they have now, about to leave him now... This house, this room where they grew up together. Him.

Killua is leaving. Leaving him.

Blinking back the tears that are now threatening to spill from his eyes, Gon swallows hard and goes on, his voice quivering and raspier now, a sign that he's feeling so deflated and vulnerable, downtrodden and defeated. Killua is leaving him. Shit.

"Shit, Killua, I hope you... I hope you meet some good lad there. I hope he will love you more than I do—more than I love you. Killua, I love you so much... Don't forget about us, yeah?" Gon's first tear falls. And Killua stops what he's doing, his gaze locked on his lap, can't seem to look over at Gon. Afraid he might break, doing just that.

Croaking out his words, Gon sniffs to go that by, can't help the flooding sadness within him anymore, "I hope you meet some boy that's more fun than me, Killua. I know you like those type of boys—"

"But no one's ever more fun than you, Gon," Killua whispers, cutting Gon off. Breath hitching against his painful throat, Gon blinks and lets more fat tears leave his eyes, rolling down his pink cheeks. Looking up from his lap, Killua faces Gon for the very first time in hours today.

"I love you, Killua Freecss," Gon tells him, very solemnly, very seriously, his golden brown eyes shining with nothing but sad tears and sincerity. He keeps on biting his lips. Those wobbling lips. "Please... just. I love you, Killua."

And that is it for Killua. Within a blink of an eye, he all at once drops everything he's been doing and pads across the room. He sees Gon visibly gasp at his rushed frantic movements, and that just breaks him even more. He's clearly ignored Gon too much. Too much! He quickly goes toward Gon by his bed then, and, just what he's been dying to do all week, surges down and presses his lips against Gon's owns, hard. Killua kisses Gon hard. Gon melts into the kiss in an instant, closing his eyes, another batch of tears rolling down from them, and lets Killua lay him down.

Parting for a short while, Killua looks at Gon submissively panting underneath him, all flushed cheeks and soft eyes, red lips swollen from the kiss... that soft sad gaze intensely locked on Killua's owns, making Killua hot all over.

"I love you so much, Gon. I really thought I could, baby, but I suppose I couldn't. I've been such a fool for even considering, god. It's you and I forever. 'Can never replace you..."

Gon blinks dazedly up at him, licking his lips. "Kiss me again, Killua. I want Killua to... kiss me again. Kiss me like I'm your boyfriend, kiss me like you'd marry me someday. Kiss me because you'll miss this—miss my mouth—when you've gone."

Killua does.

With his elbows on each side of Gon, supporting his weight on top of the younger boy, Killua kisses Gon like there's no tomorrow.

He kisses him fiercely for the sake of them both, savoring his sweet mouth, kissing him like he owns the whole of Gon Freecss.

Killua kisses him like they're boyfriends. He kisses Gon like he's dying tonight—like it's the end of the world.

Pulling away, Gon smiles at him, hair disarray, from cheeks to chest all flushed red. Killua smiles back, gaze heavy lidded, lips red and plush and worn out, tasting any and all but GonGonGon.

As silence drapes all over them, the entire room itself, Killua in a minute opts to break it. "I wanna touch you so bad, Gon-chan. Did you know that?" Gon licks his lips at the information, getting that by touch, Killua meant sex. They've never really talked about it, but now that Killua has brought it up, Gon's suddenly feeling hot and frustrated... "I've been dreaming of having awesome sex with you. Wanna..." Killua trails off, swallowing.

"You wanna?" Gon murmurs encouragingly, blinking softly and innocently.

Killua takes in a breath. And then finally he admits, "Wanna fuck you so hard your mind would blow. Fuck you so hard I'd claim all of you and you'd be completely, wholly mine."

He doesn't know why, but Gon sighs in relief at hearing that. "Fuck me then, Killua, I don't care—," he then tries to say, but Killua cuts him off, shaking his head.

"But I don't want yet though, Gon. Because I want it to happen at the right time, in the right place. I want you to be ready when it's finally happening. I want you to be sure and ready for it."

Gon bites on his lip, stares intensely at Killua's pair of dark gaze, and speaks, voice barely audible, raspy and seductively slow, "I'd love that then, Killua. I can wait. I'll wait for when we're both ready. I know you'd make it special."

Killua nods, smiling fondly down at him. "Very much special, yes."

"It's settled then," Gon whispers, smile turning into a grin, his dimples popping out. "So... what are you waiting for, Killua?"

Killua chuckles softly, sides of his face crinkling adorably—something Gon himself alone can only do. "What is it?"

Gon rolls his eyes playfully, keeping his giving off grin. "Kiss me some more, you idiot."

And Killua does, because fuck. He's so damn in love with Gon fucking Freecss that he can't contain it. He's so damn in love with his baby brother Gon and he'll surely miss him so fucking much when he's gone to Yorknew.

Killua will miss his Gon, his Gon-chan, so, so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?
> 
> have a great day, everyone!  
> thank you for reading <3


	8. GON AND KILLUA: AT 20 AND 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for updating late! but here you go. hope u enjoy.
> 
> OH AND UHM: NSFW ahead!

**Gon [20]:** _The one to wait no matter how long_  
 **Killua [22]:** _The one to brave no matter how wrong_

It's Killua's fourth year now taking the course Doctoral, is basically familiar with the pros and cons from where he lives now, which is just around Yorknew, since he's already been here for the best of four years. But that's not really an option for him though, having mentioned that—going around town at such time when he wants to, just whenever he wants to—because studying on how to become a good doctor someday is apparently a lot of work, resulting in everything being a hassle for Killua and his solitary life.

Like for someone who lives on their own with just a house mate named Feitan, as well as his college life as a student who studies to someday become a life saver. So it sure is something that has to do with Killua's schedule being so, so damn hectic. The part where he can't just slack.

Even when Gon's finally moved out their childhood home too, only for about two years now back from when he's graduated himself too, and is residing somewhere in Yorknew now as well, still, Killua can't seem to make up some time for Gon and him. They text, sure, they call each other up, they've met a few times in person for the last two years Gon's within the town, but that had been it.

Gon is a bit sad about it, of course he is. He misses Killua. But he understands nonetheless, very considerate about his brother's Doctoral course and the hectic coursework that goes with it, so Killua is... relieved. He's very much relieved.

Besides, him and Gon are matured now—most especially by their way of thinking—which in result, they talk things out just fine, are not arguing about simple things anymore, unlike when they were teens.

Speaking of which; right, of course, Killua and Gon are right adults now. They aren't kids anymore, and thus that applies to their personalities that now are, as well, have changed. They've changed. Killua can vibe it with how Gon is now when they talk via mobile, when they text too, and when Gon's being caring and sensible about stuff that concerns Bisky, Mito and Killua himself.

Gon's maturity is noticeable. And it's the same with Killua—Gon can tell Killua isn't the always jealous type now, because when he mentioned he now gained quite a number of people he can call friends such as Machi, Palm, Shizuku and his roommate, Shalnark, Killua never showed any signs of being left out.

Gon is only a bit nostalgic about Killua's territorial attitude, that selfish-when-it-came-to-him persona, back when they were kids and young and experimental about love.

The first time they met again after Killua's departure years back, was when Gon graduated in high school. Killua went home to celebrate with their family, ate dinner, and he and Gon had oral sex for the very first time.

Gon blew Killua in their childhood bedroom, and of course, Killua returned the favor.

On a different note, that was the last they touched each other, specifically in flesh, because when they call each other occasionally, text each other every day, and Skype every once in a while, they did naughty things and got off that way.

They're both seemingly studying overseas, basically, and it's mostly because of Killua's hectic days and schedule. He's almost there, is the thing, almost winning over life, his very own game, so Gon respected that and had been all-out willing to wait until they can finally have sex. What mattered then was Killua being on his way of becoming a fucking doctor.

Gon couldn't be more proud of his older brother.

To be fair though, they're doing something about it too, about meeting up, but every time they're about to meet up then, something will suddenly occur and they'd have to postpone. And it's happened for about eight times now, just within those two years that Gon's been in Yorknew (for studying his dream course, Photography, in which he's ace at by the way), so eventually, they gave up, traumatized, saying that maybe they'll just meet up on Holidays.

Time flies fast, see, especially when you're busy and always occupied. Killua's fine with that, is tired to argue, and so is Gon. It's basically just to save themselves from such unending trouble.

They've really matured now, haven't they. Mito would've been so proud if she was here in Yorknew and not with her fiancé, Colt. Although that's a good thing too—Killua, Bisky and Gon wouldn't have wanted it the other way around.

******

It's the middle of the night and Killua's had his cheek planted against the cool desk in front of him, gaze locked on his phone before him, just pointedly waiting for its screen to light up and indicate a text message.

He's in the hospital where his University has assigned him as a trainee, though much to his dismay, he's been appointed to have the graveyard shift, that's why even if he's deadbeat now, sleepy and has been yawning for over a thousand times, he's still under regulated working time and is, yes, working.

His eyes flick to his exposed right arm, something he only does (exposing his arm) under the hospital premises when it's around 3-4 am, meaning no souls lurking around that much anymore to reprimand him for wearing accessories, and admires the collection of bracelets he's collected there, each having their own meaning, some coupled with Gon's owns. Killua may just have his favorite amongst them, but he's not going to admit that yet. Not when he's seen Gon's in person, so he can pinpoint personally.

Lighting up, the screen of his phone, Killua languidly reaches for it as he suppresses a fond smile.

**_Just got home, Killua! So pumped. The girls gave me pills for my head though, so it's cool, I guess. Anyway, Shalnark here has his significant other staying over night. Shizuku, the one I told you about! She's nice, good girl. I'll feel alone again though, I'm p sure. Huhu. What about you, my Killua?_ **

Retrieving his head from the desk, Killua replies to Gon's text, saying the usual. How he's so tired and sleepy now, but still on his shift, just trying not to doze off. He also tells Gon he should rest, since he's probably hammered. And yes, this is him and Gon every day, every night—texting each other everything they're doing, nonsensical, important or whatnot. Just to keep each other close, always.

They're alright with it nowadays though, this sort of phase, even if at first they weren't. Gon had been so cross about it, but after Killua showed him his schedule file, it'd worn off on Gon eventually.

As Killua sends his reply, he lowers his phone down and under the desk, sensing someone coming. Business duty. Correct with his speculation, a woman in white, Dr. Senritsu, approaches Killua's desk and offers him a reserved smile. Killua nods and smiles at her as well. To show respect and acknowledgment.

"You're off, lad," Dr. Senritsu begins to say, earning a curt nod from Killua, "Two days break for you. Come back Wednesday for evaluation and schedule change."

Killua's eyes might have not gone wide at the overwhelming information, but butterflies erupted in his stomach anyway. He refrains, tries hard not to show how much happy he is on hearing this very wonderful news. Fuck.

"Okay, Doc, thank you," is all he lets himself say, and then Dr. Senritsu is gone.

Scrambling with his shaking hands, Killua doesn't waste any more time and calls Gon right away. And he needn't to wait for Gon to pick up no more, because just after the first ring, he does. "Killua?" he breathes out.

Killua feels warm all over in an instant, just having heard his one and only boy's voice, even if it's just through the phone. "Hey, Gon," Killua whispers, a smile etched on his face. He can't help it. "Are you free tomorrow?"

There's a pause on Gon's end, as though he's doing calculations in his head. After a beat, his chirpy voice comes back, "Yeah, I am. Why, Killua?"

Killua bites on his lip, his cheeks heating up in so much giddiness and excitement. "Come see me."

And the tone on Gon's voice instantaneously changes, suddenly sounding beaming, "You're being serious, Killua!?"

"Yes, Gon," Killua says, chuckling.

There's this sound of muffled squealing on Gon's end of the line, like he's covering his squeals against some massive pillows from where he lies, before he responds to Killua again. "Okay. I mean, I—yeah, Killua. Of course. I—," he lets out a breathy laugh, like he's at the verge of crying, not because he's devastated but rather the opposite of it, "—God, I've waited for this for so long! I mean, I hope this won't get postponed again, Killua. I don't think I can...can take it for the hundredth time anymore—"

"No, Gon, I promise you," Killua cuts through right away, shaking his head even if technically, Gon can't see him, "This time it's gonna happen. We'll finally see each other. Properly. I have two days of break from work and everything, even school assignments and curriculum, so this is it."

Like he can actually feel or see Gon smiling so big and wide and fonding, Killua finds it contagious in its own way, making him smile big, wide and with fond himself. "Okay, Killua," Gon whispers from the other line, "Okay. Just...text me the details, I guess. I'll let you go now, so you can rest. Um, big day tomorrow, yes please..."

Killua closes his eyes with a smile on his face, cheeks impossibly rosy pink, his hold on his phone by his ear getting tighter and firmer by the second, as though his phone is Gon and that he refuses on just letting it slip away. "Yes, Gon. You too, yeah? Take a rest, drink plenty of water for your head, and then tomorrow, I'll finally see you again."

And just like the usual, Gon takes his advice, and before they know it, they're both hanging up.

_Big day tomorrow_ , Killua thinks.

******

Come the next day, Killua dresses his best for Gon—no questions, no hesitations—just pulling off his best shirt and tightest jeans, all because Gon is the most important thing in his life and that he wants him impressed. Killua's just—he's so totally in love with his brother, and he's not gonna deny that anymore. _They're not at all blood related_ , he tells himself.

Feitan gives him a once-over as he steps out of his room, wearing his black shirt Supreme and then some black skinnies to go that by, making his figure stand out and doing his long legs justice. Feitan tells him he looks extremely attractive in so many ways, but 'no homo'. Killua can't help laugh at that.

Knowing already where Killua is going, Feitan wolf-whistles and makes a show of saluting him, as though he's wishing him good luck. Killua smiles then, is already feeling fond of all this, of Gon, of their proper unity after four straight years.

Checking the time on his phone, Killua grabs his keys from the bowl, double-checks if his wallet is in his pocket, and then wears his blue Adidas from nearby the door, not bothering for another pair of socks.

"'M leaving," he tells Feitan who's at the living room, gripping the doorknob.

"Good luck, bro. If you ever need the apartment to yourselves later, just shoot me a text, yeah? I could just spend the night at Phinks'."

Killua blushes as he thinks about that, needing the apartment to himself and Gon. For what? A shag? Their first ever shag?

Shaking his head, distracted, Killua sheepishly smiles at Feitan. "Will do. Thanks, man." And then he's out the door, jogging away and out the streets to go to the town's most spacious library. It's where he told Gon they should meet up, to which Gon's agreed on, so now they are. Killua hopes he's not late.

Entering the library itself, Killua looks around the quiet place, inhales the scent of books from vintage to new arrivals, trying to spot a mop of soft and bouncy spiky hair, some lanky boy in some sweater perhaps, like the usual outfit Killua knows Gon would wear for such a casual meeting. Or maybe those bright brown doe eyes that look so young and naïve, those that might've been eyeing him from where he's standing right at the moment, knowing Gon would show up early, because he was such a kid, such a boy scout, apparently.

Considering Killua can't see those mentioned traits, he all but soon finds himself thinking that maybe he's arrived earlier than Gon.

Killua shakes his head and keeps his smug grin. _Yeah. Maybe Gon's late. That adorable young sod._

Opting for killing time while waiting for Gon to arrive, Killua pads across the carpeted library hall and goes pointedly towards the comics section. He automatically remembers Chrollo just seeing the first, probably around thirty-five, comics spines aligned neatly on the entertainment shelf.

Chrollo has once told him he has now graduated from taking up some Animation course somewhere in East, where Chrollo's parents have moved in that last, last fall. Killua feels happy and proud of his best friend, wishing they could somehow arrange something and then meet again some time this winter, before the holidays could come.

And, see... he misses everyone at home. Zushi, Kurapika, everyone—god, even Pokkle—and of course, their old house that now, most definitely, is being lived in by a new family, granted Mito's sold it two years ago after Gon's moved out for University just like him and Bisky, and Colt's proposed to her, asking her to live with him in Zaban instead.

So there's that. Everything's changed. Killua feels like crying just thinking about it, reminiscing the childhood he's had.

He smiles though, shutting his eyes and inhaling sharply, something he needs—has to let out—just so his tears would cut the crap. This isn't the right time and place for such.

Feeling a warm pair of arms snaking around his waist out the sudden, taking him by full and utter surprise, Killua's eyes go wide as he manages a small squeaking noise coming out from his fast drying throat, foggy mind instantly going through the fact that someone's hugging him from behind, their chin tucked against his shoulder. And then, "You're late. 'Been watching you from afar," some quiet and raspy voice whispers in his ear, hot breath tickling the skin along his neck.

"G-Gon," Killua stammers, hot blood coming up to his face, feeling himself burning literally at how seductive and obscene Gon has sounded. But wait. Gon's voice changed. It's changed? It's become a tad deeper and raspier, and—Killua turns around and lets himself face Gon completely, and—oh, fuck.

_Holy fuck._

"Hi, Killua," Gon says, smiling lopsidedly, dimples dipping at each his rosy, freckled tan cheeks.

Rosy tan. Gon's gone tanner. Fuck.

"H-hey," Killua manages, the sound of his voice strangely unfamiliar to his own ears all the sudden. What's happening to him? What's happened to Gon? What's happened to his... his puppy-eyed Gon-chan with the soft pudgy curves, wide cheeky smile, the one who was smaller than him by a couple of inches, and all sweaters, hoodies, and booty shorts?

This. This person standing in front of Killua right now is nothing but... gorgeous. All sexy, fiercer look, rosy tanned skin, hips wider and thighs thick, and... fuck. Instead of cute and adorable, young and lanky, this person is obscenely hot, seductive, all grown up now, and is perfectly broader at the edges. Totally unlike those last two years ago when he was soft and cuddly and, just to put it simply, a cute bundle of admirable.

Gon's just as admirable, sure, but he's rather damn sinful now than ever. If Killua's expected just now for him to wear some cozy oversized sweater, joggers and a pair of silly boots, well, now... hasn't Killuas just made a fool out of himself, because it's entirely different than those.

Gon's wearing some black, tight shirt instead, one that is showing some sliver of his chest, as well as one that's fitted to his lean shaped body and seemingly endless torso, some impossibly tight ripped skinny jeans too, and then a pair of kicks. He's looking much smarter now, mature, quite sharper. Gon's become the epitome of sex appeal, so different from what Killua's last seen of him.

Killua never thought a 20-year old Gon Freecss would become this sinfully, painfully, and pathetically edible. _What the fuck I am thinking?_

Killua's fucked. Absolutely.

"Wow," Gon says after a while, racking Killua up and down, the look on his dilated yet heavy lidded eyes making Killua feel rather naked even when he's not. "You've changed, Killua. A lot. And in a good, good... good way. Certainly in a good way."

Killua laughs, slyly, thinking _what the hell, is this a joke, you're the one who's entirely changed you dimwit, what even are you talking about_. Killua just couldn't help himself to think it, sue him. Not when Gon's giving him a semi hard-on right away, no. "You, Gon, have definitely changed a lot. Not me," he says, insisting.

Gon blushes, he actually blushes, and it's urging Killua want to jump him and kiss him and all that stuff. Why didn't Killua make up and try harder just to see Gon back from all those months ago, seeing as they're both in Yorknew anyway, really? Now look at what he's done to himself. It's eating and gnawing at him, like this is a crime (Gon is) and it's all his damn fault.

The overwhelming, overstimulating feeling that's taking its toll on him, making him weak on the knees, just having seen Gon again like this—this hot and beautiful and wonderful and obscene. Like, he's not lanky anymore, he's a man. A grown up. Killua just can't get over that one fact. Fuck. So now that he's here and he is sexy, Killua's instantly horny. He should be ashamed, but he's not. Pity.

"Yeah, Killua, I guess," Gon says, voice deeper and seductive, thoughtful, gaze directed on Killua's waist, and then up his chest, and until his own. Browns versus blues. "Physically perhaps, but I still am the eighteen year-old Gon though, Killua. The once sexually frustrated teenager who blew you in our childhood shack back from years ago, when you went home for his graduation day and made him beg for it."

Killua swallows thickly as he slowly backs away, remembering that moment, with Gon stepping forward and towards him. He's crowding them both up the bookshelves, causing Killua to realize they're in some godforsaken library, and that this—whatever this is they're doing—shouldn't be done here of all damn places. Gon's being cheeky and obscene. How dare he?

"I— yeah, perhaps you're... right," Killua responds anyway, his voice shaky, impressed at Gon's sexual prowess (embarrassingly so), feeling nervous and exposed, cold with beads of sweat all building up from the roots of his hair. Placing each his hands at either side of Killua, Gon corners him on the spot as he leans down to level his gaze with Killua. Killua swallows again, and as though he's in some kind of trouble by being like this right now, trapped in a man's towering body over him the more he leans back and lower down, Killua looks from left to right to check if there are people around that are able to see them. There's none. He sighs. "Gon... what are you doing?" he whispers. "You don't smell of alcohol anyway, but."

Gon shrugs. He shrugs and it's like, so fucking casual that Killua almost cried. "I just really missed you, Killua. I've— I have never seen you again for like, four straight years, okay? And it's—it's overwhelming. Properly, I've never. And now this. I'm just so happy you're here with me, Killua. In front of me, all alive and real and breathing. God. You look so, so handsome and... and good and, I just." Sighing, Gon presses his forehead against Killua's, "I just want to kiss you right now, Killua. I don't even care if we're in some respectable place, or that people may see and judge. I don't care, I want you, Killua. Please. Can I?"

Killua may be having some trouble breathing right now, having Gon so close to him like this. Although really, should he even care about other people's judgement now if he can just kiss that pretty pink mouth? Fuck what others think!

Without further ado, Killua inches closer and presses up against Gon's space, taking him by the meaty part of his ass and hip. Killua sidles his head a little and kisses Gon straight on the mouth, tongue tugging his own lips open. And then fireworks explode, because fuck.

If they come to think of it, it's also been years and months and days, days, days, the last time they've tasted and felt each other's mouths like this, which, shit. This—this thing right here—this feels good. So, so fucking good. Killua missed Gon's sweet mouth so much he can barely breathe.

Gon on the other hand missed Killua's sweet tongue so fucking much as well. In fact he might just implode with it. So they kiss like kissing each other is the only ever way of going through life; like it's air and it's what keeps them alive; like it's the only thing they need right now, the only reason that now, they're happy and giddy and craving sex, pumped, hyper and.

And in love.

There's no denying, this is most definitely yet the best day for them both. The best one they're having, during and within, all those past four years they'd been out and apart.

If only life wasn't so hard and complicated and is rather instead cooperative though, really.

******

Smiling, Gon simply leans down and captures Killua's lips with his, sucking on his lower lip and pulling. Another wet pop. "Bedroom?" Gon prompts. Killua only ever nods, eager.

Backing away, Gon takes Killua's hand and leads him to his room, opens its door and invites Killua in. Killua takes in his surroundings once he's stepped in, seeing Gon's neatly arranged and well-organized room, one that has only one massive bed by the corner with blue sheets, a cabinet on another corner, and then a desk for studying with stacks and stacks of books.

There are some Harry Potter series collection at one point that Killua notices, and then a certain row of walls filled with Polaroid shots of Gon and, probably, his college friends, with him and Gon on his 7th birthday back then, tucked in a developed photo. They're all framed and vintage looking, especially placed on Gon's nightstand nearby his DSLR camera, and then some other various stuff too, all that screams Gon Freecss, all that evaluates Gon and his lifestyle, him, his type. Killua's always pictured Gon to have pastel pink walls, rainbow stuffed bears in his own room, and be surrounded by such collection and pile of stuff.

He knows just how quirky and Hippie Gon is, so...

"Killua, hey," Gon whispers through the dimness of the room, has only switched the lamp on and let the bigger light off. He holds Killua's hips and pulls him with him, by the bed, lying down himself, wanting Killua on top of him.

Killua complies then, crawling on top of him, gaze fixed only on Gon's face underneath him. "Kiss me, Gon. Now."

Without a word, Gon does what he's told. He arches his back and kisses Killua above him, both their heavy bodies dipping against the soft mattress, half of his head drowned together with Killua's eagerness as they kiss hard.

Snaking his arms around Killua's waist as he buckles his hips up, grinding his crotch against Killua's, Gon tugs on Killua's top, pulling them slowly, slowly, and off Killua, making Killua pull away from the kiss briefly. Chucking the clothes on the floor and finally having Killua exposed and naked on top of him, Gon takes his time to at last admire Killua's chest, that long expanse of porcelain, alabaster skin, down to his muscley forearm, the bracelets collected there that are complimenting Gon's owns, how their bodies fit so perfectly like this as they press against each other. Everything about them is just—puzzle. They complete each other, they're the missing pieces of one another.

Gon loves it that it's Killua who's meant to complete him.

"I love you, Killua," Gon whispers, "so much."

Killua kisses his freckled cheek where a dimple is visible, "Love you so fucking much, Gon."

Arching his back, Gon strips out of his shirt as well, throwing it off on the floor. Killua bites his lip and doesn't hide the fact he's checking Gon out. Leaning down, Killua licks a stripe along Gon's chest, and then smiling back up at Gon, he says, "'Been wanting to do that, Gon. Ever since I've seen them back in the library. Your beautiful build, I mean."

Gon nods. "It's us, Killua, not just me. You too. You've grown really, really wonderfully. It's like... I'm not even worthy of you anymore. And, adding up the fact that we're technically brothers. It's odd."

"It's not odd though, Gon," Killua says, shaking his head, "Please, don't say it like that. We're only step brothers, not brothers by blood, remember? Mama adopted me... And anyway, it's not about that. It's about our love for each other, isn't it. That's all that really matters."

Gon closes his eyes and sighs. "Yeah," he breathes out. "Love. Our love."

Killua goes to kiss Gon again, just stays there. And then waits until Gon's responding to his kiss. Proceeding to get rid of their pants, their god, tight pants, Gon flips them over and settles on top, going down with the back of his thighs against the back of his legs, bent over, his mouth an inch away from Killua's red and flushed erection. It's thick, as usual, a lot bigger now though, unlike the last that Gon's seen it.

Taking in Killua's cock in his mouth, Gon makes sure he's looking up at Killua as he does it, slowly, wetly, having the other man writhing and squirming underneath him, his legs spread apart, all for Gon to manage. Going further down, just enough to feel Killua at the back of his throat, Gon has Killua shivering at the contact of his cock's head against Gon's functioning throat, making him moan as well. Gon goes fast then, slicking Killua up. Killua's so thick and big, and Gon's so giddy about this. He missed this perfect cock. _Fuck._

Pumping faster while bobbing his head up and down, Killua's length in his mouth, Gon looks up at Killua again, drinking in how sexy as hell he's being, how good he's coping right now, making him hard himself, and goes even faster, tilting his head a bit and sucking harder. Killua reaches at his hair with that, slightly pulling and tugging, pushing him down in between his thighs further, deeper, so that Killua's fucking him on the mouth and on the back of his throat. Gon chokes, he does, but he doesn't dare stop, just lets Killua buckle up and roll his hips beneath him, and fuck him harder and harder on his mouth.

"Gon," Killua groans, "so... fucking good."

Gon hums as he goes on. And while he's at it, he reaches down and touches himself too, getting himself off. He can't help it. After a while, Killua comes, no warning whatsoever, just shooting his load in Gon's mouth. Gon's surprised by the impact of it, the stickiness and the gooey feeling of Killua's semen filling his mouth, but he doesn't spit. He swallows it like he's claiming Killua, all of him.

Sitting up, is hazy and orgasm dizzy, Killua takes Gon gently by his ass, hoists him up, and makes him settle on his lap. Gon quickly complies, spreading open his thighs and legs, resting them at either side of Killua. And they stay like this for a moment, their foreheads pressed against each other's, Killua's spent cock barricaded between Gon's ass cheeks. And until Gon breaks the silence as he says, "Wanna ride you."

Licking his swollen lips, Killua nods while he stares intently at Gon. "Okay, baby. Got lube?" Killua rasps. But then Gon just scrambles up to his knees, takes Killua's cock in his grasp again, and lines its head up around his rim. Killua's eyes go wide, "Gon—"

"I wanna feel you, Killua. _Raw._ So please...just."

"But, baby..."

"I don't care about the pain, Killua. I—I want it. All of it. Waited years for this. 'Wanna feel you."

Killua looks at him, searches his eyes. And then, with his gaze softening, "We'll go slow," he concedes. Gon nods, biting his lip.

Holding Gon around the waist, Killua guides him as he slowly and cautiously slides down his thick cock, taking all of him, with only Killua's pre-come serving as the lube itself. Gon hisses, chants brokenly, "Oh, shit. _Shit, shit, Killua, oh._ "

Killua leans in and captures his lips with that, hushing him, kissing him through the pain. Gon complies, like a baby, finally working himself up and down Killua's girth as he's guided ruefully, his rim being stretched and widened, going flushed red, taking in the thickness of Killua, the overwhelming largeness of him. Gon can only moan loudly once he's started riding him properly and fast, quickening his pace, being a masochist just by this. Gon's always loved the pain. Loves it even more that it's Killua who's tearing him apart, in the best way possible.

Killua doesn't let go of Gon's waist throughout it, is still carrying Gon's weight above him, biceps flexing, sat on his lap, filled in by his shaft. He lets Gon rock faster and harder above him, going up until Killua can sight his own length from just disappearing inside Gon, only for Gon to slam back all the way down again, hard, taking all of Killua in, afterwards groaning loudly at the intensity of it all.

Killua moans along, feeling the tightness of Gon, his warmth from within, hitting his sweet spot, as if his loud moaning yet isn't an indication to that, and the obscene sounds that their thighs and skin are making as they wetly fuck hard.

As Gon thrusts up and down on Killua's lap some more, going all the way up just to slide again all the way down, slamming their skin, fucking himself with Killua's hard, leaking shaft, eventually, Gon feels it himself that he's about to shoot load. "Close," he moans then, "close..."

"Come, baby," Killua breathes out, tightening his hold on Gon's hips, helping him rock up and down on him even faster, faster. "So good for me, Gon, so lovely."

Slumping his forehead over Killua's left shoulder, Gon grits his teeth at the pain he's taking as he fucks himself around Killua, the overwhelming feeling still present, still there, tearing him apart. And really, Gon wants to touch himself now, can't handle coming untouched, but Killua slaps his hand away, making him look at him in frustration. Killua holds his hand as retaliation with that, shaking his head, _baby, no._ Gon makes a strangled noise in his throat, not having touched himself, but still fucking up and down around Killua's length. "K-Killua, 'm close. Just—let me touch. I need— I need to— _touch._ "

But Killua still doesn't let him. Closing his eyes tight, Gon goes faster even if he's going pliant, tiring out, and Killua helps him through it, almost hugging him, so his untouched shaft is rubbing against Killua's belly. Still going, not stopping, finally, Gon comes, and he pulls off in an instant, once and for all touching himself while riding his first orgasm, pumping hard on his own flushed cock. Killua comes a beat later, shooting his load all over his stomach.

And they both collapse on the bed after that, with Killua gathering Gon up and against his chest, and Gon nestling against Killua's hard heaving chest, hand balled into fists like a baby's, the both of them finding comfort within each other's ragged breathing.

As their breathing slows down, their nerves calming down and their cocks still leaking, Killua groggily tells Gon, "Fuck me back, Gon. I want you."

Looking up at Killua like he's not sure Killua even knows what he's asking, Gon all but nods a bit hesitantly at him and, even if he's still hazy because _'been fucked_ , gets to his knees and hovers on top of Killua. Spreading apart his legs and thighs for Gon to have some room for and enough access to his hole, Gon reaches out on the drawer on his right and takes out his lube. It's new and untouched, making Killua raise his eyebrow in question. Gon only shrugs. Smiling, Gon opens the lid and smears some right amount on his palm, slicking his dick right after, spreading it all over, even on his balls. Putting down the bottle of lube, he leans down and kisses along Killua's inner thighs and until the darker parts of his skin, licking at it and kissing, mouthing, pumping Killua back to hard rock again, just languid and slow, just getting him worked up. He inserts a finger in Killua's hole, earning himself a shudder from the older man, his thumb, pushing in and out of him, faster, faster, making Killua buckle. Adding another finger, Gon watches as Killua beautifully reacts to it, his chest and neck flushing crimson, his eyes shutting and mouth going slack, moaning Gon's name.

Breath hitching against his throat, only because Gon is driving him mad and hard and immensely turned on, Killua eventually squeaks out, can't take it anymore, "Gon... baby, please."

"Mhm," Gon hums, still kissing and nipping along his inner thighs, still fingerfucking him fast. Earning a loud gasp from Killua, at how good he's working him up, Gon retrieves his slicked fingers from Killua's mildly stretched walls and decides he's ready to be filled now. So Gon says, voice low, "If you say so, baby." Aligning the head of his slicked cock against Killua's flushed rim, Gon looks over at Killua's pliant posture before him and can't help but admire firsthand. Killua looks so... _wrecked_ already, so beautiful and mind-fucked, just the way Gon likes it. "You can touch, Killua," Gon tells him softly, kindly, almost adoringly. Killua nods, already reaching for his own length to jerk himself off.

Situating himself above Killua, more properly, Gon slowly pushes inside Killua, slides out of him slowly as well, all slicked up, resting his palms at each side of Killua's frame underneath him, quickening his pace now, quicker, quicker, swiftly fucking into him. Killua holds him around his torso, almost digging his nails on Gon's back, but keeping it neutral and harmless, just enough for after sex marks. Gon gets turned on and motivated by the mere thought of that, so he thrusts in and out of Killua faster, harder, making Killua hold onto him tighter, his dainty fingers traveling up to his hair, both their toes curling against them.

"Oh, Gon," Killua lets out, moans out, "I love you. _So much_."

Gon closes his eyes at the sound of that, how lovely that's sounded and bites on his lip, his founded rhythm steadily fast and hard at each slam, his biceps hardening as he carries his weight above Killua.

"You're so tight, Killua. Warm... so good," Gon manages to rasp out, complimenting Killua, while he keeps his pace at a reasonable speed. Killua jerks his hips up at such wild impact, his head almost reaching the headboard of the bed now.

Holding tightly onto Gon's arms, Killua buckles his hips along the thrusts, feeling himself bloating at the tip of his cock, all ready to shoot now, despite him leaving his cock so long ago, opted on neglecting it. "'M close, Gon," he chokes out, "'gonna— _come._ "

"Go on then, baby," Gon says between huffs of breaths, "come for me, then. C'mon, Killua."

After a few more push, Killua moans out Gon's name as he rides out his orgasm, splattering his come all over his own belly, some scattered on Gon's own, and even some on his chest. Gon doesn't stop fucking him despite that, is still at the verge of spilling himself. A beat later, he comes too, collapsing again, this time on top of Killua, earning himself a warm, sticky yet comfy embrace from Killua, both of them breathing heavily. Gon sighs into it, into his touch, the familiarity of it against his very own skin, and later on yawning out loud. Killua chuckles at that, his chest vibrating along it, yawning too a minute later, contagion of Gon's own.

"I love you, Gon-chan," Killua says after a while, after silence has taken over.

Gon strokes his damped hair, uncaring if it's because of sweat, and kisses the top of his head. "I love you too, baby."

Killua smiles. Feeling brave himself, he stares at Gon for a minute, before: "My boyfriend," he murmurs around a languid smile, "aren't you, Gon?"

Seemingly stunned to hear that come from Killua, Gon visibly sputters, cheeks down to his throat flushing a beautiful, deep red. But then he recovers quickly.

"I am!" Gon exclaims, sounding so sure with himself and quite insistent, making Killua bite on his lip in giddiness. "You're my boyfriend, Killua! I am yours! Whoever tells otherwise can suck their own lower region." He pouts, huffing.

Killua snorts at that, feeling his own cheeks warming up. "Lower region," he deadpans, half-teasing, "really Gon, really? Still?"

Gon looks up at him, feigning innocence. "What? Killua still loves me even if I'm dorky, right?"

Killua laughs, heartily, happily, and then he nods. "Always."

"Killua and Gon, always," Gon says, smiling down at him, dimples popping.

Killua blinks, smiling so fondly, looking so adorable and soft and cuddly, "Killua and Gon, forever, yeah," he agrees, voice raspier than ever, sounding sleepy, "I'd never get tired of that."

"Mhm. Me too," Gon agrees, smiling just as adoringly. And then he adds, like an afterthought, "We should shower though, Killua, you already look tired. We wouldn't want to sleep in our...you know?"

Chuckling, Killua thinks he couldn't agree more.

So they do. They shower together, say their goodnight and I love you's, and then sleep, because Gon has promised Killua that tomorrow, he'll be cooking Killua his deeply and genuinely missed pancakes. _With lots and lots of chocolate syrup, okay, Gon?_ One of which Killua's totally looking forward to, definitely.


	9. GON AND KILLUA: AT 23 AND 25

**Gon [23]:** _Domestic, purest, pet-lovin' boyfriend_  
 **Killua [25]:** _Understanding, supportive, people-pleasin' boyfriend_

Shoving a purple bone-shaped toy in Garu's mouth, tongue hanging for quite some time now (as though waiting for Gon to lend him some of his precious attention), and simultaneously avoiding his baby fangs, Gon tugs lightly on his leash. To prevent him from jumping on Dr. Knov, that's why. The middle-aged man veterinarian is fixing the baby Husky's files for Gon to sign on, for his legal adoption, as well as for things to be settled once and for all.

Gon's at the Animal Fair of Swardani, some pet shop two towns away from his and Killua's home, and yes, Gon's adopting yet another dog. A black and white Siberian Husky, Garu, some 'manly' name Killua's picked out for him even when technically, he hadn't yet seen him back from last week. Back from when he'd decided to officially call it Garu, specifically so.

But Gon's loved it right away the moment the name suddenly came out of Killua's lips, the name Killua's given the dog, because Gon's known by then that, he's yet again coaxed Killua into adopting another 'pain in the ass'—Killua's preferred definition for Gon's pets. Well, they're Killua's pets too actually, no matter how many times he denies it, hence Tenshi, their fluffy gray Shih Tzu, clings to him almost 24/7. Yup, right from the moment the dog has woken up, to the moment she falls right back to sleep later in the evening.

Killua thinks they're lucky Tenshi isn't nocturnal, otherwise Killua will sue himself for even agreeing to Gon's idea of adopting 'babies' in the first place.

But really, Killua just loves Gon that much he's allowed him, after about countless avoidance and getting into the matter, also know as the adoption. So even when sometimes Killua's having headaches because of Tenshi's ear-splitting barks and howls after a long day at work, he doesn't so much as complains. Besides, Gon's always there to massage his temples and make him hot cocoa, so perhaps Killua's happy with it too, all the same. Gon's become extra domestic ever since they've started adopting pets, and Killua, well, he admittedly loves it. And also, Tenshi's really adorable, that at times that Killua's in the mood, the dog's able to have its way into Killua's heart.

Gon would always fond at those kind of instances between his babe and his beloved pets.

Life could be dream.

Back to the point of all this though; as Gon waits for Dr. Knov to hand him the papers he has to sign (while struggling with Garu and his wriggling), his phone vibrates from his pocket, indicating a call. Gon twists Garu's leash strap around his grasp and knuckles, twice for good measure, and fishes his mobile phone out. He sees it's Killua. Who else?

"Hey, babe, 'sup?" Gon chirps into the phone, tucking it in between his shoulder and ear, holding tightly onto Garu's leash, while Dr. Knov also hands him finally the legal adoption papers.

"'Elo, Gon-chan!" Killua greets enthusiastically, making Gon's heart swell with pure joy, just with the sound of his voice, the obviously wide smile around Killua's tone rubbing off on him almost all the same. "So, baby, mom's called just now! 'Said she and the old hag are both in town today, babysitting Venus. Our cute, cute Venus! Wanna go see them, hmm, Gon? Perhaps tomorrow? They're staying for a week after all, so I don't see why not? I know you miss Bisky and her bullying. Ha-ha."

Gon laughs, skimming through the adoption papers, signing on each and one of them without actually reading. "Sure, babes. I'm in. I miss Bisky and her evil ways, true. Though I'm certain you'll sass her back for me, won't you?"

Killua huffs. "We'll sass on her, of course."

Grinning, Gon signs the last bit of papers and hands them over to Doctor Knov. Taking his phone from in between his shoulder and ear, as well as adjusting Garu's leash around his grasp, Gon sighs on the phone, says, "Anyways, 'm gonna have to call you back, Killua. Sorta busy here."

"Mhm, sure, love. I'll let you go then."

"Okay," Gon says around a smile, just waiting for Dr. Knov now to dismiss him. "I'll see you at supper then. Make sure Tenshi doesn't fall asleep on you, yeah, baby? Can't let her bug us in the middle of the night. Distract her with Bake Off, I swear she's obsessed with that show."

Killua cackles. "I noticed. Will do then. Bye. Love you so much."

"Mhm, love you most, Killua," replies Gon with eerie fondness lacing his tone. They hang up. Looking up to see Dr. Knov speaking about legality, Gon stands up from the chair he's been sitting on for the past half hour now, and goes to shake hands with the vet.

"Congratulations, Mr. Freecss. Please take care of one of our very recent patients," says the vet with a smile. Bending down, he pats Garu's top of the head and coos at it, "Be good to your new masters now."

Gon pets Garu too, earning himself a lick from it. "Oh, I'm sure he'll be good," he says, smiling. He loves it that Killua loves him enough to let him adopt another one. He loves their own home, his dogs, his boyfriend, and just—he loves Killua so, so much.

Stashing away the stacks of adoption papers, Doctor Knov waves them off, although extremely polite. "Alright then. Off you two go. Have a good evening."

Pulling on the leash and shepherding Garu out the sliding door, Gon calls on Dr. Knov from behind him, beaming, "Thank you, Doc! You too! Have a good one!" And then he and Garu are finally out of the shop.

As Gon leads the way toward his car, unlocking it with his keys and opening the door to the backseat, he lets Garu in first, then shuts the door. Rounding up the car, he climbs up the driver's side, puts his seat belt on, and locks them both inside. Garu barks happily, ready for a ride. Gon finds that's so adorable, starting up the engine and hitting the gas, tuning in to some radio station as he goes, opting for stopping by at a convenience store along the ride.

After about some fifteen minutes drive, Gon spots a store aligned by the pavement and makes a move of clambering out the car, leaving the airconditioning running for Garu. He clicks everything shut, and then he jogs toward the small convenient shop. Inside the warmed up store, not that jam packed with other shoppers, Gon looks for some things he could use as his other ingredients for their dinner, also looks for a new bottle of shampoo that Killua loves the scent so much, and then stuff that are mostly concerning his and Killua's admittedly active sex life, putting the tiniest bit of blush to his cheeks; a box of condoms and two bottles of lube. _Ha._

And if Gon's smiled so smugly while the lady who's in charge at the counter has given him this sort of look, punching in his condoms and lubes, then no one has to know. It's all on Gon and Gon alone.

On the way home, Gon immediately rings Killua, to ask about Tenshi, only to have his phone call go straight to voicemail. _Oh! Hey, hey! Congratulations! You've reached the hotline of The Chocolate Factory! Killua, the King of the Factory, is not here to bestow and label your hardships and devotions at this time, so if you may, my fellow chocorobot lover, kindly leave your alleged purposes and desires after the...bark of my very beautiful Shih Tzu called, Tenshi-kun._

And yeah... Gon's very much in love with a child.

Sighing in disbelief but smiling rather fondly, so, so fondly, Gon suspects Killua's probably left his phone somewhere around their apartment again, mentally shaking his head at it. Nevertheless, Gon leaves Killua a short yet sweet message, after he hears Tenshi's bark, "Be there in five, baby. Don't smoke too much, you hear? I love, love, love you," and then he taps end call.

******

It takes about a few coaxing and heartfelt whistles before Gon's once and for all managed to make Garu come with him and inside his and Killua's apartment.

Immediately, Tenshi's snapped her head up, curious and territorial, to see who's intruded her and her masters' shack. And then seeing—or rather getting a whiff of—another dog, but perhaps to her is a threat or an enemy, she barks loudly and possessively, barricades Killua within her 'base'.

Gon and Killua make eye-contact with that, Gon sheepishly grinning, clutching on Garu's leash and pulling him away while he barks, Killua sighing and finally putting away the remote in his hand, landing to his feet on the ground.

"Welcome home, babe," Killua drawls as he scratches on his chin, standing up from the couch. He's wearing comfy clothes, some dark hoodie and basketball shorts, and he's the most beautiful thing Gon's ever seen. He bites at the inside of his cheek, watching Killua stride towards where he is by the door, Tenshi following quickly behind him.

They share a kiss, hasty and soft, as soon as they meet at the door. "Signed Garu's adoption papers just today," Gon breaks the news to Killua, is sheepish again, making a room for Killua to take in the sight of the black and white Siberian Husky from behind him.

"Hmm... cute," Killua comments, tilting his head to the side as he looks at the dog. Looking back up at Gon before him, Killua asks what matters to him more. Which is _food_. Because like, having a new dog is nothing new to him now, see, what with he's committed to someone who goes by the name Gon Freecss. "What's for dinner, Gon? 'M starving."

Gon lifts up the bag of stuff he's bought earlier from the convenience store. "Will make it for you, Killua!" he beams.

Lighting up, smiling immensely wide his cheeks must hurt, Killua steps forward and kisses Gon again, harder and with more passion this time, but then later on regretting it just a bit. "Ungh. You smell like a wet dog, Gon."

Gon giggles, shameless. "I'll shower in a bit, don't worry. For now, lemme feed you all, my lovely family."

Beaming himself this time, Killua couldn't approve more of Gon's idea, his features all sunshiny and well-taken care of. And then suddenly he asks, "Bought the lubes?" Gon shakes his head fondly, as if to say _cheeky_ , slapping Killua's ass. Killua laughs.

"Here," Gon hands him the leash, beckons for him to take over, "go back to watching whatever it is you're watching. I'm making fish fillets."

Killua complies, taking the end of the leash from Gon and dragging both dogs with him to the living room. Gon takes that as his cue to make his boyfriend and everyone dinner.

And see, this is how they are now, ever since they've moved in together; Gon the more domestic one in their home, and of course, Killua the tweny-five year old man child that Gon takes good care of.

It was of two, almost three actually, years ago when Killua and Gon have decided to finally move in together. Back when they've seen each other again after those years they've spent apart, they've come to their senses that someday, somehow, perhaps after they've both graduated, they would eventually live in a single home, one of which only the two of them would be occupying by themselves. Just the two of them, in a place with no one else. Without their mother, without Biscuit, without any of their old house mates, no one. Just Killua and Gon.

Granted the idea's existence, the moment Gon graduated, he immediately started working full time, saved cash for his and Killua's future place, and made sure to see Killua every day. Then, when it was Killua's turn to graduate, of course, with Gon being there, he also sprung into action regarding him and Gon living together. He took advantage of what he'd learned for the past six years and used that to finally, finally become a doctor.

So yes, Killua now, is a doctor. And Gon is a professional photographer. _They've pretty much made it, haven't they._

They sure have.

Despite everything, Killua and Gon are still the same old Killua and Gon from the past. Their love for each other have never really changed throughout the years. And if it's only grown stronger, their bond tighter, then there's that, because really, after living with Killua for all his life now, Gon's never gotten tired of him—of taking care of him, cooking for him, doing his laundry, all that—and it's the same with his brother, or rather boyfriend, significant other, Killua. He never gets tired of Gon too; his quirkiness, his questionable taste in music, his love for smelly animals, his hippie self, and his addiction for social networks due to his postings, being a photographer and all.

It's simply Killua and Gon, always, now. No more turning back. And they're contented with what they have.

After a while, just as Gon's finished preparing everybody's dinner, is just taking out the trash he's accumulated now, Killua's just right on time to step a foot in their kitchen. Their blue kitchen. It was Killua's idea for it to be painted blue, says it should look cool and aesthetically pleasing, yet cozy and refreshing at the same time, to which Gon had approved of. So it's theirs, it's home. A blue and dreamy kitchen of their own. Gon very much loves it.

Puffing on his cigar, Killua makes sure to blow the gray smoke somewhere else rather than where Gon is. "Dog food ready, babe?" He asks, looking at their table.

Gon, still taking out the trash, answers Killua even without glancing at him from behind, "Yep, babe. Just go grab them by the counter, let Tenshi and Garu have 'em."

Killua does what he's told, killing his stick and chucking it on the bin, goes to where the dog food are prepared. One blue bowl for Tenshi and one silver stainless bowl for Garu. Killua exits the kitchen again, and feeds their dogs by the living room.

Once he returns, air is almost knocked off of him when Gon jumps him, immediately engulfing him in a warm hug. Killua laughs, surprised, balancing them both by putting his hands on the small of Gon's back, "Oh, hey."

Gon nuzzles his nose on Killua's neck, tightening his hold around him, swaying them together. "Sorry for being weird, Killua, but... just let me have this."

Killua doesn't complain, doesn't say a word for a moment. He doesn't complain at this. Why would he? Gon's hugs are the best. "Now, now, Gon, what's up? Aren't we a little cuddly tonight?"

Not answering just yet, Gon continues to embrace Killua, arms wrapped around the slimmer man's waist, his nose against his neck. And even if Killua smells like dogs or smoke or even rotten nachos right now, Gon doesn't care. Whatever Killua is, he loves; whatever Killua would be for the next twenty years, Gon will endlessly love.

And maybe that's why he's being like this right now, out of nowhere.

"Marry me, Killua."

And everything goes instantly quiet.

Gon's heart is on his mouth, waiting for Killua to kick him out. He's pushed it to the edge this time, hasn't he? Oh, but he's thought about proposing for almost six months now. And since he's lame, this is his chosen time and place for it. Great. Killua will totally kick him out and say no.

Except not. "Gon... of course, sweetheart. O-of course, I— I'll marry you," Killua manages to say, almost choking on his own spit, is seemingly about to cry. Parting from the hug, Killua is unable to contain himself, cupping Gon's face and tilting his face up a little, so he can look him in the eyes and search him from within them. His beautiful brown eyes, speckles of gold decorating them. Those dazzling eyes Killua's come to memorize so much for so many years they've been in love. "Geez, Gon, yes. Of course. Fuck. I'll marry you. Yes. Yes. _Yes!_ "

Gon's already tearing up, fat tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, gaze entirely focused on Killua. "Thank goodness you said yes—"

"Why wouldn't I?" Killua's fast to say, wiping Gon's tears away. "Haven't we established yet that you're forever mine? Always, Gon. You'll never get rid of me, baby."

Gon bites on his lip, teary smile etched across his face, looking at Killua starry eyed, so damn in love. "Good to hear, Killua," Gon whispers, tears yet coming, "You'll never get rid of me too, just so you know."

Killua leans in and kisses him on the mouth. Gon melts into it, closing his eyes. "It's settled then," Killua murmurs against their lips. "We're engaged."

"Yeah," Gon murmurs back, "Love the sound of that."

"Mhm, me too," agrees Killua, chuckling, "now if you don't mind, my beloved fiancé, how about we eat dinner now, eh? All I ate were nachos this late afternoon. 'M so hungry I could eat _you._ "

Gon snaps his eyes open and cheekily grins at Killua. "Eat me," he wonders.

Killua laughs, throwing his head back. Gon holds him in place. "You cheeky sod. Let's just have dinner first, shall we? Besides, you bought us new lubes, didn't you? We can have dessert right after." A smirk splays on his lips, cat-like. _Some things never change._

Gon beams. "Promise?"

Shaking his head fondly, Killua pulls Gon's face against him and kisses him again. "Promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me smile so wide uve no idea


	10. GON AND KILLUA: AT 31 AND 33

**Gon [31]:** _Still his baby_  
 **Killua [33]:** _Everyone's daddy_

It's nearly dark out now, Killua notices as he takes a glance out the window, and for him, that only means one thing: a little girl would be arriving, preferably minutes from now, just to take Killua home.

He's at Pitié-Salpêtrière Hospital, is currently dealing with an eight year-old girl whose knee was once gushing out of blood, because she's biked along some steep bridge, apparently wanting to go to Saint Gervais but failed as she's slipped, and is making sure she can walk again just after two weeks or so of this session. It's Killua's job after all—to cure people, take care of people's health, mend their wounds and make sure they live.

It's been Dr. Killua Freecss' job to heal for years now.

" _Ici, poupée_ (Here, doll)," Killua tells his patient, Lucinda, handing her a blueberry flavored lollipop, " _Fais attention la prochaine fois, d'accord? On ne voudrait pas que tu reviennes avec un bras cassé la prochaine fois, n'est-ce-pas?_ (Be careful next time, alright? We wouldn't want you coming back next time with a broken arm now, would we?)"

Wide-eyed, Lucinda takes the lollipop from Killua and nods her head, adjusting her leg to lie down properly. " _Oui, docteur Killua. Merci_ (Yes, Doctor Killua. Thank you)," she murmurs.

" _Ok. Je vais appeler tes parents alors._ (Okay. I'll go ring your parents then)," chirps Killua.

Whipping around, Killua presses a small black button and asks for Lucinda's parents to come in, says their daughter is done with her operation now. When the parents get in the same room as Killua's, minutes later, a little five year-old girl—dressed in some blue dress and green pea coat, boots for her chubby toes, silver white curls all down today, and blue eyes brighter than ever—slips through the door with them as well, calling out on Killua. "Daddy! Daddy!"

And, "Fumiko, darling!" Killua exclaims, having finally seen the girl who's bound to collect him for today.

Hopping up and down enthusiastically, Fumiko eagerly reaches up so Killua carries her. Chuckling, face crinkling at the sides, Killua removes the stethoscope from around his neck and hoists Fumiko up, securing her by the bum. "Where's your Papa?"

Fumiko grins at Killua, removing her thumb from her mouth, answering, "There!"

And surely, Gon with Yuri—their two year-old baby boy, hazel eyes bright and twinkling under the fluorescent light, right cheek dented with a dimple, and just a small amount of black hair stuck to his milky white head—in his arms comes walking inside the room. "She ran off," Gon says sheepishly, referring to their five year-old angel, "sorry, sweetie."

Killua waves him off, laughing slyly, adjusting Fumiko in his arms. "Nonsense, baby. It's alright." Facing his patient and patient's parents, Killua tells them kindly, he and his family's going, and that they should just sign off at the lobby.

" _Merci, Doc_ (Thank you, Doc)," the mother laments, nodding at them.

"Let's go home then?" Gon quips, dimple-smiling at him.

Walking toward his husband, Killua pecks Gon on the lips and nods, taking him by the waist to lead them both outside. "Mhm. Let's," he says softly.

******

Gon puts Yuri down on his customized chair in their car as soon as he's opened its backseat, Killua letting Fumiko inside it as well, and then the two dads climbing in the front right after, Gon in the driver's seat, Killua taking shotgun.

In favor of Fumiko's desires and nonstop chanting of _happy meal! happy meal! happy meal!_ along the drive while she pulls and tugs on Gon's hair—that is down today, much to Killua's delight—Gon can't help but laugh it off as he stops by at McDonald's drive thru and orders them takeaways on-the-go, and of course, Fumiko's happy meal. Just can't let "the king" go disappointed now, see, she's the little girl version of Killua, that Gon's first learned the moment she's turned three and started talking, _demanding things._

Killua kisses Gon on the nose when he lends Fumiko her happy meal, gives a french fry to Yuri at the back, to which the baby cackles at, and leans back on his seat, Gon back on driving them home again.

When they get home, Gon parking their red Bentley at Beugrenelle's lot, Killua picks Fumiko up and lets her down so she can walk toward the house herself, and then he returns to carry Yuri next. Gon follows after him, carrying their takeaway meals with him.

"Finn and Jake!" Fumiko yells at the top of her lungs as soon as Killua's unlocked the door to their house, toeing off her boots but leaving her socks on, charging toward the place they all have agreed to call their 'TV room', over the years they've lived here in their new, and will probably be the last, home in the eastern part of Republic of Padokea.

Killua laughs, following Fumiko in the TV room, as he lets Yuri suck on his index finger. "Go on and watch then, you little frump. I'll turn on the subtitle for you."

"Here, baby, lemme," Gon says softly to Killua seconds later, offering to take Yuri from him. Killua complies, transferring their baby boy to Gon, as he sits down on the couch where Fumiko is bent, looking for the remote. "Hot cocoa?"

"Yes, please, sweetie."

Gon brings Yuri with him to the kitchen where he's put their McDonald's takeaways, letting the cuddly baby sit on his own highchair. He searches the cupboards of ingredients then, will make some for him and for his husband, as well as supper.

Meanwhile, "Fumi-chan, I see it," Killua chimes from the TV room as he fishes the remote tucked in between his bum cheek and armrest, tossing it to Fumiko. She catches it, drops her new toy they got from McDonald's not too long ago, the poor thing completely abandoned already. Fumiko switches the TV on and tunes in to Cartoon Network for Adventure Time. Killua takes care of the subtitles for her from then.

He and Gon have decided years ago they'd still want their kids to get used to speaking their native language, even when technically, they'll be living permanently in a different republic now.

"Dinner, babe?" Gon calls from the kitchen. "Also, your cocoa's getting cold."

"Yes, okay, babe! I'll bring Fumi-chan in a while, I'll just go get change," Killua responds, already shrugging off his coat and pulling off his scrubs.

"Okay, babes. But I'll have you know, I had you your clothes readied in our bed already, so just help yourself up and join Yuri and I, yeah?"

"Yeah, in a minute." Killua scrambles up to his feet and goes to their bedroom. Surely, he spots a freshly new pair of cream-colored sweater and some black boxer shorts neatly folded on their king-sized bed, making him smile. Gon and his naturally domestic self is just, like, really driving him even more madly in love. Honestly.

Killua takes the sweater and sniffs it. The Creep. "Mmhm," he hums, eyes closed. Gon had had them at some Laundromat, just the way Killua wants and expects them to. Killua wears them quickly.

The moment Killua comes padding out their bedroom, he sees that Fumiko is already scooped up and is clinging on Gon, her arms around his neck, legs around his waist, with Gon supporting her with just an arm under her bum. "Ready?" Gon asks Killua, seeing him, such beautiful sunshiny smile plastered across his face, and boy does Killua fond over that every single day of their lives together as husbands. He could see their wedding band wrapped around Gon's left ring finger from where he stands, like he does each day, and yet it makes his heart instantly melt in his chest, the overwhelming feeling never leaving his side. Killua will never get over the fact they are husbands now as it is—not only by paper nor by civil legalization—but also by heart and soul and spirit.

Gon's the same too, to be honest. And if him, taking Killua by the waist and ducking just to capture his pink lips, smiles against them and says, "My husband," oh so very fondly is any indication to Gon not getting over their marriage too just like Killua, then there is that.

"My husband," Killua repeats around a dopey smile, holding his own wedding band.

Well. There is that, definitely.

"Papa, Dada, stop it—stop it. Let's eat," whines Fumiko after a while, squeezed in between Killua and Gon. Poor girl. Killua and Gon laugh.

Leading the way to the kitchen, Gon puts Fumiko on her own chair, and goes towards Yuri to check what he's squirming about, looking like about to cry.

"He stinks," Killua suddenly groans from where he's sat beside Fumiko, and Gon knows he already has his answer.

Gon unbuckles Yuri from his strap. "You guys go and start eating, I'll just change Yuri's nappy," says Gon as he carries Yuri and brings him to the bathroom.

Killua shrugs, simply says, "Nah. Fumi-chan and I will wait for Papa and Yuri," holding Fumiko's shoulder. Looking at her, Killua sweetly adds, "Won't we, darling?"

Nodding rather energetically, blue eyes shining, her silver white curls bouncing along with her, Fumiko beams. "Yup!"

Minutely so, Gon and Yuri's back to their designated places around the table, with Gon's overly enthusiastic "nappy's changed!" chirp going that by while he put down Yuri in his highchair, and they're all eating their McDonald's takeaways at last. Fumiko's so happy with that.

The chicken's dried. That's okay though—it's still McDonald's, ain't it, so.

After a while, like, a long while (after Fumiko's eaten her chicken fillets one by one, long drags of stories about mermaids that live underwater, and princesses kissing princes, to buy her some long, long time, being the one who's always hard to feed), they find themselves full and lounging in the TV room, having a bit of a family bond.

They sit through one of Fumiko's favorite Disney movies, Finding Nemo, her pick. Well, actually, it's also Gon's, so they have all agreed to watch exactly that. Dory is the bomb after all, concedes Killua.

In half an hour of the movie playing itself, Gon glances over at Killua, only to find that he and Yuri have slept at one point against one another. And he smiles, is right away fonding over it, admiring the peaceful face of his beautiful husband, carrying mindlessly yet securely their two year-old boy, all cozy and warm and peaceful against his chest, both Yuri and Killua breathing in a steady synchronization.

"Papa?" Fumiko quips, looking up at Gon in innocent wonderment, her lips parted, thumb all wet obviously just been suckled.

Gon immediately motions for her to stay quiet. "Sshh. Let's take Yuri to bed, okay? And you, sweetheart, you should switch the TV off, okay?" Gon tells her, both eyebrows raised, "then follow me in your room."

Fumiko nods, obeys his Papa. Gon scoops up Yuri from Killua's jelly arms and takes him to his and Fumiko's room. Gon flicks the lights on as he steps inside, puts down Yuri in his crib and makes sure his penguin stuffed toy is within the baby boy's reach, just in case he wakes up in the middle of his slumber and won't cry knowing he has a penguin friend at bay. Fumiko shows up a minute later, standing on their doorway. Gon beckons for her to brush her teeth, now, so he can tuck her to bed as well. Fumiko once again obeys.

She's a good girl, a smart one at that, and she can manage alone. Within minutes, she's yet again done with her task, and it's finally Gon's turn to tuck her to her purple princess bed.

"Good night, baby," Gon whispers in her curly silver white hair, very similar to Killua's hair color, kissing the top of her head.

"Nighty, Papa."

"Pray before you sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

"Tell Jesus to always keep our family safe and sound."

"Yes, Papa," says Fumiko with a nod, "and also, healthy and wealthy and sexy. That's what Daddy told me."

Gon chuckles. "Right. Healthy, wealthy, and sexy too, Daddy's right."

Grinning, Fumiko pulls at the covers to let her chin touch its terms. "Okay, Papa. I'll tell it to Jesus."

"That's my baby girl," coos Gon, running a hand through Fumiko's curls. She immediately leans at the touch, like a cat, very much like Killua too.

And maybe that's the reason Fumiko's Gon's favorite. Because she's like Killua in some ways too. Gon thinks it's absurd, but of course he also thinks it's sweet, _private._

Just, Gon loves his family... so much, even if Garu and Tenshi aren't parts of it any longer. They'd only been migrated back to Whale Island, the dogs, two years later after Killua and Gon had already got Fumiko and had first brought Yuri back from the hospital, where Shiri, their surrogate, had been confined, because apparently the kids weren't supposed to linger by any kind of furry animals at such young ages. They could be allergic, the doctor said, so Killua had been crossed about it and immediately got rid of the dogs... Well, Gon misses Garu and Tenshi, he sure does, but then again he supposes things just really can't stay the way they are.

Standing up slowly, Gon doesn't remove his gaze from Fumiko cocooned in her bed while he blindly navigates his way toward the door. And until he's got there, that he eventually flicks the lights off, leaves just the night light on, and then gently closes the door, leaving it ajar. Fumiko closes her eyes then, starts to pray. Gon leaves for Killua by the TV room.

Killua's awake when Gon gets back in the TV room and sees him. "They're all in bed now," he says, "Tired?"

Shaking his head, Killua scoots back on the couch and pats the space next to him. "Nah," he says, voice groggy from mild sleep, "C'mere. Cuddle me. I want my main baby."

Well, would you look at that. Gon's not one to decline such gold gesture, he'll have you know. So very much willing, grinning, Gon complies and flops down on the space on the couch, resting his head against Killua's chest almost immediately, like he's craved to do that all day long. Which, yeah. "Daddy," Gon purrs playfully.

Killua nuzzles his nose in Gon's hair, wrapping both arms around his body, his little spoon, breathing him all in. "I love you," he says—is all he says—because it's the only thing that's very necessary to say at this time, the only truest thing out there, and the only thing he knows will anchor the moment they're having as we speak. Cuddling, alone, with their kids all fine, healthy, full and asleep.

Gon hums appreciatively, his retaliation, closing his eyes as he lets Killua cuddle him more prominently and even more warmly, tilting his head sideways just a beat later, facing Killua and kissing the corner of his mouth. "I love you, babe," he tells him too, voice soft and true—genuine. Happy.

Taking Gon's wrist, Killua raises it and brings it close to his lips; he kisses Gon's ring where it's wrapped around his ring finger, firmly, and then proceeds with the kissing, now peppering Gon's hand, forearm, up to his upper arm, until he reaches his collarbone and neck. Gon giggles, liking every bit of it, every light stubble brushing against his skin, feeling ticklish but not wanting for Killua to stop, ever.

"Bed?" Killua murmurs against his throat a while later.

Gon backs away a little to see Killua's face. And there goes that pair of blue eyes that've gone dark, staring back on his owns, making him instantly hot. "Bed," Gon echoes then, "take me?"

Without further ado, Killua shoots up from the couch and attempts on carrying Gon bridal style. He fails, making Gon simultaneously laugh. Killua only rolls his eyes, before he grins at that. Going to the hallway, laughing silly like teenagers, and are off to their room for a bedtime shag, Fumiko keeps them from doing so just yet, standing before them with her thumb in her mouth, sucking, rubbing sleepily at her eyes.

"Wee," she mumbles.

And _oh._ "Oh."

Well.

Daddy duties.

"I got this," says Killua after a beat. Fondly.

And there goes their little teenager moment.


	11. GON AND KILLUA: AT 25 AND 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeek. sorry for the slow updates wahaha! i'm so close to finishing this!!  
> here ya go <3

**Gon [25]:** _To be tied up to him forever is all he wants and wishes to happen all his life_  
**Killua [27]:** _To be committed to him forever is not something he expected but has been wanting all his life_

It was in the middle of June and July, right after Killua's birthday, when the government of Republic of Padokea had finally approved of Killua and Gon's one way ticket to marriage. A paperwork. One that they'd sent months ago, one that they certainly didn't fake. They've worked with various people of different companies in regards it, some birth certificates renewal just to come off unrelated with each other, to which by blood they weren't really anyway, and it was all a success in the eyes of the higher-ups, as it was, in the end. They've counted that as another brilliant blessing the moment they received the news, and they couldn't be happier about it. Endlessly.

So it had been said and done just after another two months of hard work and determination to being committed. They've both been considered and decided, finalized and legalized by law, paper and relevancy, to which now Gon and Killua are to begin to take actions upon.

That granted, Killua now and Gon are—have been—staying for an approximate time of two weeks at Gon's married friends, Aki and Chia's house in the eastern. For the wedding.

Wedding of Killua and Gon; the once children who've fallen deeply in love with each other ever since their diaper days.

Fate? Soul mates?

_Yes and yes._

They're about to get married now, fuck. Something they've waited to happen—like, actually, actually fucking happen—for the rest of their college lives, or really, for probably their _entire lives._

Sure, things have been difficult, complicated, and they've been apart, but the result has been a million times better. It has been the best, hasn't it?

And if they're the happiest lovers alive now, then they aren't ones to deny that, because they simply are. They simply are... Especially Gon. Especially Killua. Them. Just, _them._

The two of them.

Forever.

"You're gonna be forever now, you do realize that, eh, Killua?" Chia softly asks, combing Killua's hair, as she smiles and looks at him, from his reflection on the mirror in front of them, the two of them inside Chia and Aki's bedroom.

Taking a sharp intake of breath, Killua sighs and it comes off sounding dreamy, making Chia's smile go wider, fonder for him. "Yeah," Killua says after a while, looking up at Chia on her reflection as well, voice mellow, "Yeah, I do realize... I know."

Brushing his hair up, Chia looks at it as she works. "I still remember... when Gon first met Aki and I, it was winter then, when he'd photographed us in our own honeymoon last four years ago. He'd talked to us about a certain man—a _very handsome_ man, he said—and even pointedly added with a very fine ass at that—," Killua giggles, blushing, "—and told us how he was gonna marry this man someday. He just hadn't proposed that time yet, to which he dreaded, but then Aki peptalked him into it and suggested he should just pop the question right there and then, don't let that man get away with it, with the question. And now, look at you... Look at you and Gon." Chia starts gushing, very proud and very happy for her friends. "You're about to get married now. Be forevermore. I'm just—"

Killua takes her hand from his hair and brings it to his cheek, thumbing reassuringly on her knuckles, cutting her off. "Sshh. There, there, Chia," he murmurs. Chia blinks at him, is teary a little about all this, about simply reminiscing on the past—those words Gon said, those things Aki advised Gon must do and that in the end, he actually did—which are making her all emotional and melodramatic and just tad dramatic. She sees herself all ridiculous right now, though she doesn't say. Looking at her, eyes genuine, expression warm, Killua tells her, barely audible, "Thank you. Just... thank you."

Chia sniffs, pouts. "For what?"

Smiling slowly, Killua says, "For everything."

And that ends at that. No one really has to talk anymore after that, they both know. So they don't. Killua is just really thankful of people such as Chia.

Such as everyone who are invited today, actually. Their friends, who they also treat as a real family.

******

It's a Wednesday, clouds are present in the skies, the wind crispy, and it's overall a good day, decides everybody, somewhere they all might be.

Chia continues to style Killua's hair after their little serious conversation, Killua starting to get happy and satisfied with the turn out of his hair, with Chia yet again casually talking to him about other stuff. She asks about how Tenshi and Garu are now, their dogs, and Killua in return immediately fills her up about how they're doing great and healthier by the day (too much spoiled too, all thanks to Gon), and that they're currently under Ponzu's care back in their apartment in Yorknew, the woman being the dogsitter in the meantime, while they're gone and being happily married and teary-eyed and enjoying their, alas, later honeymoon on a luxury boat all made possible by their very own pocket allowances for this getaway marriage.

_Ha, pickles._

Ponzu is only a bit jealous for not having joined the whole wedding scenario, unlike Shalnark, Shizuku and the others who've flown by airship all the way from Yorknew to the East just to attend, her having been late for the news, since she's been so busy with her own new found career in modelling.

Gon, being one of her closest friends, thinks she'll live. Modelling is her dream, and it's finally coming true after years of signing up to various modelling companies around the world.

One missed wedding event wouldn't hurt.

Speaking of Gon; he's done with his outfit for the big day. Wearing his smart black coat and silky bow tie, black pants and his signature boots, with his hair blow-dried to perfection, Gon sure is ready now to take Killua's hand and marry him. No more backing out, whatsoever, no hesitation, none.

"Where's your brother then?" Biscuit asks, her voice a bit teasing yet sounding serious.

"Fiancé, did you mean, sis?" Gon counters with a roll of his eyes, biting down a smile.

Biscuit scoffs, "Yeah," but it's fond.

They're talking over the phone. Biscuit's still living in Swardani with his husband, Levi Hanson, and their two babies, Venus and Saturn, Killua and Gon's nephew and niece, all sound and better. She and Hisoka weren't able to make it after all, since Hisoka's cheated on her with some guy named Yellmi... or something, so there's that.

Gon's decided to give Biscuit a call, what with it's the most important day of his and Killua's lives, despite Mito might be on the other line too—he trusts Biscuit to keep her voice down though, the both of them aware that he and Killua have plans about telling Mito after they've got married and tied up, so Mito wouldn't have a choice no more but to accept it—them—like this. In love. Head over heels.

As selfish as that sounds... Maybe even unfair for their mother's part, but... Gon and Killua don't want to be such burden to her. Not yet. Not just yet when she's enjoying her new life as a wife to someone again, their step father, Hiroshi.

Biscuit has been aware of her brothers' relationship, after years of it being hidden away from her, all of the revelation made by Killua. Although Gon too had a say in it, before Killua had broken it to her over a video call, to which she's taken quite calmly by the way. She has always been assuming the possibility of it ever since she'd secretly and, after all, seen (caught) Killua wanking over Gon's own jacking off session in their guest bathroom back in their childhood house in Whale Island, when she's passed by their shared room one afternoon. It was obvious they had something back then, her brothers— _so obvious._

Killua had only turned pink when Biscuit told them it; that certain incident of Killua wanking over Gon's moaning inside the bathroom. Biscuit on the other hand, laughed her ass off even if it made her gag.

She's still their bully sister, it's turned out, which is actually precious. They like Biscuit being like that—like this. Even when they're all adults now and have their own families. It's actually cute, just them thinking about it.

"He's still getting ready. Chia's got him," Gon answers, smiling at the thought of Killua, getting groomed, all because they're about to be husbands now. Finally. After several years of waiting.

"Well, tell him I said congratulations. He's finally got what he's been wanting all our lives," Biscuit says, the earnest smile she's definitely making right now as she says those words, obvious from how she's sounded, deliberated what she's said.

Gon smiles, knows exactly just what she's meant. "I will. Thanks, sis," says Gon softly. Biscuit just hums. After quite some time, they hang up eventually too, Biscuit having engaged with some business, and Gon with his friend guests.

And that's Shalnark and Shizuku by the balcony, all dressed in white, some simple velvety gown on Shizuku, making her look like a fairy, despite the six months bump on her tummy, all with her short black hair curled into perfection, and then white tux on Shalnark, making him look just like a little inch taller than usual because of the help of his shoes too, even matched with his undeniably adorable blond hair, he's handsome than ever.

They look really good together, Gon thinks to himself, more especially now that they're married as well to one another.

Time sure flies fast. One day they were only college students, studying in Uni, and then the second they're these. These married and getting-there individuals. Gon only feels a bit nostalgic about the past, though he knows he'll never replace the present with it.

_He's about to marry Killua._

And suddenly breathing ain't easy for Gon. Damn.

"Wine, Gon, have some," Shalnark offers a little later on, amidst Gon's spacing, beckoning for Gon to join them by the balcony.

Gon looks over, manages a small smile. And Shizuku frowns at him, because, "Nervous, Gon?" Gon nods, helpless, admitting to such inevitable fact. "Aww, honey," she coos, "c'mere you. You just need a little reassuring and peptalk. You'll get through the melancholy phase eventually."

Gon stands with them, his breathing fast and heavy, taking the glass of wine from Shalnark. "Wedding blues, is it?" he asks, voice a bit shaking.

Chuckling, Shalnark shakes his head rather fondly. "Bro. Knock it off. You're not a baby anymore. Woman up a bit, yeah?"

Gon rolls his eyes. "Like 'm not trying, Shal."

"We know you are. Just chill, bro."

"Chilling," Gon grumbles sarcastically, takes a sip on his wine.

Just then, the door to the room where Shalnark, Shizuku and Gon are at, bursts open, and in comes Kurapika and Chrollo, all dressed in a matching white tuxedos as well. "Gon, my man!" Chrollo exclaims, beaming. Gon immediately lights up, having seen his groom's best man.

"Chrollo!" he gushes. They go toward each other and hug. "Kurapika!" He and Kurapika hug too. "You guys made it!"

"Yeah, thank god," Kurapika says, heaving a sigh. Shalnark and Shizuku come up to them, and the four of them acknowledge each and one of them in turns.

"Where's Killua, then?" Chrollo asks, excited, grinning wide and bright and proud.

Gon bites on his lip, anxious. "Still with Chia," he says, "Remember her? She and her husband, Aki. The friends I met here in Eastern?"

"Of course, yeah," Chrollo affirms, remembering, "this is theirs, isn't it? This house?"

"Yeah. They let me and Killua stay until our honeymoon and just until we decided we want to go back home and get back to work," he informs them, smiling so bright, brighter than the sun itself, hazel eyes sparkling with such fond and happiness within. It's actually embarrassing. "Can't wait."

Shizuku laughs with Kurapika. "Now, now, Gon. You guys will get there soon. Don't rush!" Shizuku teases.

"She's right," Kurapika chains, still laughing, "For now, we should go check on your soon-to-be-spouse, see if he's done and stuff. That'd be good?"

But then they don't have to anymore though, because the second Gon nods his head, the door has opened behind them already, the door where Chrollo and Kurapika emerged from, and Chia and Killua's trudging in, Killua all groomed up. Gon's breath hitches against his throat at the sight.

Chrollo wolf-whistles, attacking Killua in a hug. "Yo, you look _stunning_."

Killua chuckles, face crinkling at the sides, patting Chrollo's back. "Thanks, man. Glad you and Kurapika made it here."

"Yeah, sorry we're late," Chrollo says around a grin. He and Killua part, and Killua and Gon share a moment of eye-contact, just a short one at that, because it's Kurapika who's hugging Killua next. And then Shalnark, and then Shizuku.

While that's the commotion, Gon grabs the opportunity go toward Chia, puts an arm around her, and presses a kiss on her temple. "He looks perfect," he whispers to her, "thank you so much."

Chia searches Gon's hand underneath them and squeezes at it once found. Gon squeezes hers back, smiling to himself, and when he looks up, he sees that Killua is already looking at him. Gon's insides flutter almost instantly, everything that surrounds them going unnoticed, everyone in the background fading, until it's just the two of them. Him and Killua.

_Ready to be mine forever?_ Killua's eyes seem to ask.

_Let's get married then._ Gon's thoughts say.

And they stay like that for a moment, just staring, fonding over one another, like it's something they don't do on a daily basis, which, it is. And until a finger pokes at Gon's side, that they break their private little Killua-Gon-moment.

It's Ai, Gon realizes as he turns around, dressed in a white dress, a yellow flower in her ear, all ready to go now, standing next to Chia and Aki.

"The priest has arrived," Ai announces around a braced-teeth smile. "We should go, uncles."

_Uncles._ What a sweet thing, Chia and Aki's daughter.

Grinning, Chrollo takes Kurapika's hand and they both go out first, calling from behind him, "Let's get moving then, people!"

Shizuku, Shalnark and Ai follow suit, yelling quite ridiculously as they all go, "Yeah! Better get these two lovebirds be husbands already!"

Raising an eyebrow, Chia gives Killua a look, as if to say _remember what I told you, just go for it_ , and then she and Aki leave it to Killua and Gon, going downstairs as well to join the others.

And then there goes the eerie silence. Gon looks at Killua with stars in his big brown eyes, all pumped yet love drunk, happy and high. "Hold my hand, babe?" he asks of Killua, voice soft and tender, gaze warm.

And Killua nods, smiling slow, lips quirking up, all shy. He walks forward and takes Gon's hand. And then there's suddenly sparks flying just as their hands collide, just as their fingers intertwine, and just as Killua pulls Gon with him. "You'll... you'll be tied up with me forever now, Gon," Killua murmurs out, gaze locked on their entwined fingers, breathing hard.

"I know," Gon murmurs back, "I know." Killua smiles at him with that, fireworks in his belly. Gon's already smiling at him, cheeks flushed pink. "And I'm quite excited to be, Killua. You have no idea."

"Mhm," Killua hums softly. And he says, "Actually... maybe I do."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... since I feel exactly the same."

******

"Killua Zoldyck, do you take Gon Freecss to be your wedded husband, a friend and a mate? And in the presence of these witnesses, do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for him a growing part of your life? Will you continue to strengthen it from day to day and week to week with your best resources? Will you stand by him in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to him alone as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Killua says softly, his gaze never leaving Gon's. Gon's teary ones. "I so do, father."

The priest nods, smiling.

And then he faces Gon, says, "And you my son, Gon Freecss, do you take Killua Zoldyck to be your wedded husband, a friend, as well as a mate? And in the presence of these witnesses, do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for him a growing part of your life? Will you continue to strengthen it from day to day and week to week with your best resources? Will you stand by him in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to him alone as long as you both shall live?"

Gon doesn't even look at the priest, just nods his head rather vigorously, repeatedly says, "I do, I do. I really do," making everyone laugh. Killua loves him so much.

"Now, since you two won't stop looking at each other anyway, you may now say your vows," the priest jokes. Everyone laughs at the small room again, where they are all gathered.

Seemingly memorized his own vow, Gon takes his chance to deliberate his first. His gaze just never really leaves Killua's whole—his face, his eyes, his lips, his smile. His billion dollar smile. "I, Gon, take you, my Killua, to be my lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my one and only love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our friends that are basically our family too, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow, regardless of the obstacles we may face together.

"I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you, cherish our union, and to love you more each day than I did the day before for as long as we both shall live." Taking in a deep breath, Gon suppresses a shuddering smile and mouths as his finale, _I love you._

And it's finally Killua's turn. Killua who's already tearing up, lips trembling. Though yet he's still perfect and beautiful and heavenly in Gon's eyes. _I love you too_ , he mouths beforehand. And then he starts his vow, "I, Killua, choose you Gon to be my husband, to respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the seasons of life.

"I, Killua, take you, Gon Freecss, to be my friend, my lover, the father of my children and again, my husband. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, always in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and even in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, Gon, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.

"You and I, forever."

In the background, Shizuku and the rest of the ladies are sobbing now, Machi and Feitan finally having joined the crowd then not too long ago, the two of them close to tears, with Machi nonstop taking pictures of the entire happenings before her, a thing Gon will thank her for later.

Ai goes forwards and hands them their wedding rings, all golden and new, well-treasured. Killua and Gon take each and one of them, the narrower one on Killua, the wider one on Gon—their opposites. The priest beckons for them to wear their rings to one another then. They do. Solemnly, shakily so, they do.

"Join with me as we ask God's blessing on this new couple," the priest starts to speak, blessing them, "Eternal Father, redeemer, we now turn to you, and as the first act of this couple in their newly formed union, we ask you to protect their home. May they always turn to you for guidance, for strength, for provision and direction. May they glorify you in the choices they make, in the ministries they involve themselves in, and in all that they do. Use them to draw others to yourself, and let them stand as a testimony to the world of your faithfulness. We ask this in Jesus name, Amen."

"Amen."

"Gentlemen, you may now kiss."

Not having the time to actually register that bestow faster than his man, Gon's startled to have been tackled in for a rough kiss by Killua, _his man_ , holding him by the waist and cheek clingy, Killua's lips moving slowly against his owns, is even using tongue. Gon soon closes his eyes then, groans purposefully, kisses Killua back, just as hard, wrapping his arms around his Killua—his husband.

_His husband._

"And it is now my privilege to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mr. Zoldyck-Freecss."

And bitch, Gon swears in his head for the first time ever, _they're fucking married._

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are alwaysssss appreciated <3


	12. GON AND KILLUA: AT 14 AND 16

**Gon [14]:** _Too in love to care_  
 **Killua [16]:** _Too in love to not care_

The grasses aren't as green as he's last observed them, not as healthy and tall too at the very least, but Gon supposes things just really change over the years.

He and his brother are seated under some mango tree, side by side, just enjoying their break time, basically stalling. Gon can see their classmates running round and about, just under the school premises, some chatting loudly, laughing from afar, and some already walking back toward the school itself, done with their lunches. And Gon, admittedly likes this—this kind of setting. It's serene and mind-settling, see, hence he's smiling to himself like some creep, most especially now that Killua's also here with him.

Killua's been busy with his soccer practices, is the thing, take home assignments on some of his exclusive subjects that he's willingly taken, and some advance meds curriculum at that, that Gon's barely spoken with him within the past few weeks.

They only see each other in their room when they're about to sleep then, as well as when it's breakfast, lunch and dinner time at their ever organized kitchen—thanks to their lovable mother—and yes, sadly, they truly are lacking of spare time for the both of them. Which, of course, is frustrating, in Gon's case.

He misses Killua—always—and he wants him at all times. But then again, Gon supposes, life isn't just always going the way he wants it to, being intolerable at times, although yet he's thankful, because given the hectic schedule of his brother, still, here they are; together. And Gon couldn't be happier.

"Ne, Killua?"

Humming softly, Killua pays Gon a sideways glance, responds, "Mmhm, Gon-chan."

Blushing, Gon does, is already smitten. And ridiculous, he's being ridiculous. "I just," he starts, gesturing with his hands slowly, "I've seen Bisky going out rather constantly... with this boy. I think his name's Hee-soka ro something? What's your say on it, Killua?"

Killua looks away and then out in the school grounds before them, leans back against the tree trunk and puts both his arms behind his head. "I'm... okay with it, I guess? I don't know."

Eyes widening, Gon snaps his head and looks at Killua. " _What?_ " he gasps, "Killuaaa, you can't just—you can't just _not_ care for our sister. She's our... she's like, our princess! We should, like. Don't you think we should make her—"

"Gon, baby," Killua interrupts, holding onto Gon's shoulders and is facing him now, heaving in and out heavy breaths. "Breathe, yeah? Everything's going to be fine. Just, breathe. It's Bisky that we're talking about here. She's a tough shell, remember? If this clown kid would ever try and hurt her, I'm sure she'll make him pay. So relax."

Gon blows off a sigh, closing his eyes and then within a beat, smiles. He stares at Killua, looks into his eyes that are bluer than blue under the shade of leaves for some reasons, and thinks he's so beautiful— _glowing_. "You know, Killua," he begins, whispering his words, "you'll be a good doctor someday. I can just picture it, your future... like, you, calming laboring pregnant women—saying comforting things to them to have them relaxing, just like this."

Gon can see that Killua is blushing, his cheeks and neck flushed red, and he thinks again, yeah, Killua will definitely be a good doctor someday. He fits the job.

Killua lets out a breathy laugh, like he's taken aback—which probably he's been, just because it's his baby brother who's told him it, and that it has a great meaning into it. "You... you think so?" he asks breathlessly, still blushing madly.

And Gon nods, firmly he does, like he's not lying here, like he could just predict it perfectly. "Yeah, Killua," he says seriously, "You're smart—no, brilliant. You're brilliant and you've always told me you wanted to become one someday. So I can just imagine you in some white coat, a stethoscope around your neck, looking like the most handsome doctor in the entire facility. Curing people."

Killua's lips are pursed, seemingly thinking about it, considering. And until he flashes that smile of his, fangs out, giving Gon a crinkly smile. "Wow, Gon... I hope so."

"It'll happen," Gon says quickly, holding Killua's hands, "I promise."

Shaking his head a little, his fringe bouncing along the movement, Killua bows his head in a shy manner. And see—see, that's the thing about Killua. He lacks of confidence, unlike Gon who's inherited all of it from his long lost father and sister, all high in self-esteem and such. Gon thinks Killua shouldn't really doubt himself. It's not healthy, and aside from that there's nothing to be discouraged about. "Well, thanks, I guess," Killua only murmurs.

Biting on his lip, Gon retaliates by putting a finger under Killua's chin to make him look up and face him. Killua easily does, eyelashes downcast, long and delicate. And, "Kiss me, Killua," says Gon, voice low, tone serious.

Killua goes all defensive right away, backing away just a tad bit. "Gon," he admonishes, eyebrows creased, "we can't—you—you know we can't. We're at school—"

Oh, but Gon isn't having any of it. It's been _days_ , right, and he hasn't tasted Killua's lips yet again along those times. Along those long and dragged days. And he needs it—wants it, them, pressed harshly against his. _Now_. He doesn't give two shits about their classmates seeing it, no. Gon just wants to lick inside his mouth, that's all. "I wanna lick inside your mouth," he tells him then, making Killua instantly flush, wide-eyed. "Please, just. Just let me, Killua..."

Killua sidles away, pretty much defiant, looking over the spacious yards of their school again, huffing. "No, Gon. The last time I let you, Mrs. Skillets almost caught us. There's no way I'm risking our lives again just because of a silly kiss. One that I can give to you when we're at home anyway."

Gon bites on his tongue, willing himself not to feel hurt by this, just because he simply hates it when Killua rejects him at times that he really needs something, instead he scoots closer to Killua, fast, as he looks out around the place firsthand, see if someone's looking. And by grabbing onto Killua's head, since no one's yet paying them attention, Gon quickly pulls Killua's face to him and kisses him, hard, on the mouth. Their eyes are both shut tight, Killua's are only because he's caught off-guard by the suddenness, and Gon's are just because he wants to feel this moment, ever so solemnly.

Killua groans against their mouths, teeth clinking against each other's, messy, and he parts. "Gon!" he breathes out, ridiculed, cheeks pink, "dammit, Gon!"

Gon looks at him with lustful dilated eyes, heavy-lidded, turned on and lips swollen. "Killua," he moans out. Killua looks all messed up quite already, even at just that quick snog, and Gon watches as he adjusts himself at the crotch, Killua's hair in complete disarray.

And Killua scolds him, frustrated, a bit of Gon's spit still visible right on the corner of his mouth, evidence of Gon snogging him senseless, a token of Gon's claimant to Killua. "That's—god, not very nice, Gon!"

And of course, Gon knows it isn't very nice of him to just flat out kiss Killua hard _in public_ , create a bulge on his crotch, but Gon only grins at him, cheeky as ever. The Bastard. "You love it," he tells his brother huskily.

Killua huffs, frowning. "You're such a shit."

"Mhm, Killua, I love you too," replies Gon nonchalantly, smug grin etched across his face.

In the end, no one's caught them doing weird shit. Killua's able to calm his tits down from then.

******

Their lunch break soon finishes by the time Gon's already boasting to Killua about being a professional photographer someday, to which Killua doesn't so much as doubt ever happening to Gon when the right time comes.

He's always known how Gon's obsessed with taking pictures even with just the use of his old mobile phone, has seen Gon do things whenever they're out of town, capturing landscapes with the family's camera, and has watched him go shop to shop just to develop negative shots so he can treasure them in his 'secret chest of memories'. Killua can just picture Gon doing photo shoot sessions, big DSLR camera clinging to his shoulders, and then a tripod he brings places with him.

Killua's certain about his baby brother's future success.

******

Hours after school hours, Killua stands outside Gon's classroom and waits for their teacher to dismiss them. When they are, Gon and Killua walk along the hallways of the building, passing by the lockers as well as some of their school mates and friends, and then in the end choose to go home without joining the others from their school bus. It's Killua's decision—given he's realized he hasn't lent his brother some of his precious time, since he's been busy.

"Where are you taking me then, babe?" Gon asks, purposefully sounding sweetly, wiggling silly his eyebrows at Killua, dimples showing. They're walking side by side along some pavement, on the way home, with their school bus already bypassed them, so it is now safe to act their normal clingy self, with their hands brushing against each other's beneath them, for every now and again. Killua aches to grab it, Gon's hand, hold on tight to it and never let go, but then he knows he won't, all because he's a big hopeless coward. Such a shame.

As if he could read his brother's whirling mind, Gon hip-checks Killua to serve as distraction and lifts his hands up to clutch on the straps of his backpack instead. To save Killua the trouble from contemplating so much in agony, craving to touch—to caress, to hold. Well, Killua's brought back to earth at that, blinking fast. "Oh," he lets out, "uhm... I..."

Gon smiles sadly, looking down at their moving feet on the ground, the colors of their shoes suddenly looking rather interesting to him. "It's alright, Killua," he says quietly, "perhaps when the day comes and we're finally at the right age then, I'm sure we'll get to the point where we'll be able to hold each other's hands out in public too—just like any other couples in the world."

And, "Yeah," Killua agrees to that, of course he does, "perhaps so..."

"Yup," Gon chimes, like he isn't so much as affected than he truly is, "so for now, let's just walk like this. Like we're... brothers."

They both look at each other with that. And they refrain from just downright laughing, because hell. They're _so_ much more than that. 'Brothers'. Such a funny, funny, ridiculous word.

Why does life have to make things so complicated and fucked up anyway? They can only shake their heads at it.

About their little brotherly date; with just a few more strolls under a fine late afternoon, eventually, Killua decides with buying them some hot dogs on sticks to munch on, some scones and some sodas while they spend their time alone together, and then they ride the tube from the subway to get home much faster, granted Mito has already sent out a text message. The school bus, apparently, had passed their home and did not stop to let out her boys, so Mito worried.

Finally home a few minutes sharp, Mito later on calls from the kitchen for Gon to get by with her, asks of his help for what they'll be having for dinner, to which Gon gladly nods his head at, taking one apron from the side of the fridge as compliance.

While Mito takes care of the cooking part, stirring, dropping sliced beefs and chopped onions, Gon does the slicing and the cutting, plucking of edible leaves as well as cracking of eggs in a bowl. They work in peaceful synchronization, like what she and Biscuit usually do—that since she's not home yet, it'll always be Gon she'll partner herself with, instead of Killua.

He might only cut his fingers, Killua, is the thing. Something Mito ruefully dreads, or much worse burn the food. And so it's a no-no for Mito. Or everybody in their household, really. Even Gon. Despite he's team Killua all the way.

(Maybe it's just one of the strong proofs that Killua really isn't related to the Freecss. By blood. While the rest of them knows how to cook, Killua just couldn't, even if it's a life or death situation. Well, that is mind-settling in some way, ironically so, the part where they're not biologically related, most especially for Gon's part).

After a few more minutes during their work, Gon then finishes with his task, so Mito, who's still doing hers lets him wash his hands first and has him dealing with their used utensils next. Gon quietly proceeds to work. Minutely so, Killua trudges inside the kitchen and joins them, not to help (nope, not gonna happen), but only to sit on the counter and grab an apple to mindlessly munch on.

"What's cooking?" Killua asks anyway, looking over at what they're doing, ignoring the fact they didn't invite him because he's a klutz.

Smiling, Mito answers him, "Curry and veggies, darling. Something to make you, my boys, healthier."

Killua nods his head. "How about Gon? What are you doing, Gon?"

Gon hums, looks at Killua while he carries on. "Washing the dishes, Killua. Obviously." Killua snorts, like a what-the-hell to himself for not knowing. Or is it, he just really wanted to ask to not feel left out at all.

Dangling his legs, Killua grabs a massive bite on the apple in his hand and chews quite ridiculously right after, to which Gon sees him do while there's still a task at hand, making him think of the future again, questioning himself in his head whether he'll witness Killua being like this, still, someday, all fine and beside him; young, without a care in the world, and playful.

Gon wants the answer to be yes.

"Kil," Mito says a little later, once she's shut the stove, and faces her son, "Why don't you set the table up, yeah? So you've also lent a hand."

Very much willing, eager, like he's been waiting for it, Killua hops off the counter happily and does quickly what he's told to do. Then in the middle of his procedures, Gon just simultaneously steals both his and Mito's attention. Just like that. By asking Mito, out of nowhere, "Do you think, ma, if I'd like, marry a... boy... someday, would you approve?"

And right, Mito's suddenly frozen to her spot.

Killua himself is not doing so much better either, lest his breath's caught in his throat and blue eyes wide, knows it's about _him_ too. This. With Gon all but looking serious before them, still holding a stainless utensil in his hand, facial expression innocently questioning. His gaze keeps flicking back and forth from Killua and then to Mito.

Waiting. Gon's waiting for Mito.

Just then, "Oh, baby," Mito gushes, going toward her son. She engulfs him in for a motherly hug—a thing that Killua's watching from where he's rooted to the ground—with Gon's gaze locked with his and only his.

And of course, they didn't realize straight away, that Gon's just come out of the closet to their mother. Gon's gay—that Mito knows now.

"S-so what's the, uh—what do you say about that then, ma?" Killua asks for Gon's behalf, voice cracking a little. "Will you, like... will you approve of Gon marrying someone he's the same gender with?" _Or his own brother? Me?_ "You won't get mad?"

Letting go of Gon, Mito cups his face, her lips formed firmly upside down. "Oh, darling, of course. I... I... As a mother, I'm a bit shocked, that's true, but. But what can I do?" She croaks out. "Honey, are you saying you're gay?" she asks incredulously, and then looking at Killua, she adds in question, "And you knew about it all along, Kil? That your baby brother's gay?"

Heartbeat racing, Killua goes whoa, because he didn't expect any interrogation to be directed at him. But then Killua only shrugs, not saying a word about the matter, so Mito lets it slide, forgiving. Sighing, it's Gon who answers for himself—for both he and Killua, "Yes, ma," he mutters, "I am. We... we kinda both are, actually, your sons. And like, we just want to be honest with you now before we could even grow much older. Otherwise, that'd be a shame."

And Mito, as expected, is speechless about all this. Killua on the other hand looks at Gon with this, nervous, sweating. Gon isn't having any of it though, because of bravery. Courageous, that's what he is being right now. Just that and only that.

He can do this.

Beats later, "Well," Mito says, breathless, eventually, releasing a laugh. She keeps on averting her gaze from Killua to Gon, like she's going insane, eyes impossibly wide. And that surely makes Killua squirm internally as it carries on being like that, as though he's being inspected ruthlessly, naked to his torso, and even under his waist. But then Mito proceeds, and he's then able to breathe properly again, "I guess... It's fine. I mean, some of my colleagues are gays, and—and they're happy and fine and—you both. You'll be alright anyway, won't you? R-right?"

"Oh, mom," Gon says, sighing in relief. He goes to hug Mito, nuzzling his nose against her neck. "Thank you. I thought you would be mad at me. At us. Oh, thank God, you didn't. I love you, mom."

Killua closes his eyes at this, thinks they're saved.

And _wow_ , he thinks too as an afterthought. They've just come out to their mother. Is this really happening? He's not dreaming? Oh, let him be not. Please.

Because really, the feeling is good. Refreshing. Like some heavy weight he's been carrying for years of living has finally just been lifted off his shoulders.

And like, life is great.

******

Killua tilts his head to the side as Gon's bum nudges his temple, making him laugh out loud. He slaps it soundly. "Faster, you git. Your ass is on my face!"

Laughing himself, Gon looks over his hip and sticks his tongue out at Killua below him, clinging tight onto the ladder. "My ass is worth your face, there's no denial in that."

Killua rolls his eyes, blushing at the obscene images that are quickly flashing in his head, picturing himself and Gon in such a position, despite he doesn't completely know what that is even exactly called. "Oh, whatever," he mumbles instead, faking impatience and annoyance, "Just get on with it already, Gon. My hands are slipping!"

"Alright, alright, bloody hell," grumbles Gon in response. After a few more steps, he's finally made it to the top—up in their attic. Killua follows suit, clinging onto Gon's shoulders. Gon holds him in an instant with that, like instinct.

It's in the middle of the night now, the moon shining up above with the stars accentuating its beauty, and Gon and Killua have decided to come up here, granted they feel restless, be the house explorers that they are, even just for once in years again. They were only kids then, see—six and eight—when they went up here last.

Looking around, Killua all but sees spider webs and dusty furniture, old stacks of books on some corners of the attic, their old prams as babies and walkers at one side, and old filthy carpets, those that have probably gathered so much dusts into it now, that if Killua would pound on them, there will come an instant snowstorm inside the attic itself—except it'd be specs instead of snowflakes.

"So..." Killua says then, not sure what to do.

"So," Gon parrots.

Killua sighs impatiently, looks at Gon who's standing next to him now. "What now, Gon?" he asks.

Gon just looks at him, shrugs, and then within a blink of an eye tackles him for a kiss—a hardcore one at that—as though he's waited forever for them to be alone like this.

Killua squeaks in Gon's mouth, _mmphfh!_ , aghast, but soon after wraps his arms around Gon's neck, melting quickly into the kiss. Gon sighs contentedly at that, smiling against their lips now, and tightening his hold around Killua's waist. A hold that screams possessiveness... pretty much obvious going by the fact Gon's clearly obsessed with Killua.

They make out for a while then, kissing deeply, sloppily, (messily, since Gon's not that good yet of a kisser, still, even after a year or so). Killua thinks they're being ridiculous, but he loves it no matter. Gon's mouth and tongue are just—so sweet. He loves the taste of them so much.

******

In a little while, they find themselves lying side by side, not caring if the floor is dusty, whatsoever, facing the round window by the slant of the roof their attic has, giving them a good view of the beautiful moon and the shining stars in the night sky. And Harry's yet again questioning their future as it is, blabbering—and Killua hasn't a choice but to listen to his brother, all because he loves him very much.

"Do you think, Killua, if you'd like, finally go to Uni and have friends... I'd feel jealousy?" Gon asks, voice soft and sounding nervous.

Smiling, Killua reaches out to place a hand on Gon's belly, rubbing on it. "Nah, Gon. I'm sure you'd still be my best friend by then, I won't let you feel jealous. You know you're my one and only, right? So stop worrying."

Gon looks at him, biting his lip. "You promise, Killua?" he asks, his voice impossibly small, sounding insecure—vulnerable.

So Killua aims for reassurance, placing his hand on Gon's cheek now. "Of course, Gon," he says, muses, "I promise."

Nodding his head gently, Gon then says, gulping around a lump, "But what if, Killua... What if I want us to be boyfriends? Or—I mean, will you—will you find yourself a boyfriend then when we grow up? Or are you... are you going to marry someone else?"

And well.

Well, that makes Killua suddenly sit up, heart stuck to his mouth. "Gon..." he says slowly, "What're you saying? M-marry? That's—that's a bit— Don't you think it's too early to talk about that?"

Gon sighs, looks up at the sky. He doesn't sit up like Killua, just stays lying like that. "Well, I just want to make sure. Or something. Because in a year or so, we'll eventually know more people. You, Killua—you'll soon meet new people, our age, your age—and. And you might fall in love with one of them... and forget about what we have. Or had. Whichever." Looking at Killua, who's staring down at him, Gon manages a smile. Although it's clearly a sad one, like he seriously is considering about things as mature and as ahead like this. "I don't want you to marry someone that's not me, Killua. I want us... to marry. And if you're gonna have a relationship with someone that isn't me, sure, it'll be fine with me. But just make sure that you'd come back to me too? Always come home to me."

And, okay, damn. Wow.

Killua's gone. Killua's so, so gone.

He flops himself down on Gon, as though he's drowning—suffocating—and that clinging onto Gon is the only thing that would get him back to the surface. Nestling his face at the crook of Gon's neck and breathing, Killua murmurs against his skin, "If... if we're gonna have children, Gon... what do you say we should name them?"

Biting on his lip, Gon can't help hold on the small of Killua's back and grip on the fabric of his shirt, suppress a teary-eyed grin, and celebrate within his own—congratulating himself for winning Killua all to himself.

"Depends," Gon says then, happy—sounding so, so happy, "If she's a girl, then Fumiko would be lovely. I've always liked the name Keiko but knowing you, you won't fancy it and just roll your eyes at it. So Fumiko it is instead."

Killua chuckles, teary himself too, voice already coming off raspy. "Right. You bet I would," he says jokingly, "And what if it's a boy then?"

"Hmm," Gon hums, dimpled-smile etched across his face. He's so ecstatic it's uncanny. "I'll let you decide on that one, I think."

Killua lets out a sigh, a dreamy one. "Okay, well. I don't know, Gon, but. But I think, I want something that starts with letter _Y_? Just because."

"Cool. Starting with _Y_ it is then," Gon chirps, "We'll work on that one some other time, yeah?" Killua nods at him with a smile, all warm and glassy-eyed, "For now though, come up and kiss me, please."

And Killua does. He kisses Gon on the mouth. _Since you asked so nicely_ , he says against their lips.

Gon has to shut him up with a lick across his snout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more chapters left and we're all done here! Sorry for the late update!!  
> Thank you for reading, once again :)


End file.
